The La Push Pack
by Kelbel87
Summary: After Edward leaves, Bella and the Pack become family. Victoria attacks and something happens to Bella while changing. How will the pack react? Years pass and the Cullen's attend a concert. Who are the La Push Pack? Will Bella ever see Edward again? Can she ever forgive him? Who are the new vampires with Bella? Disguises and flowers and love notes and a heartbeat! So much to come!
1. Chapter One - Poking The Wolf

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter One – Poking the wolf**_

* * *

It was nearing the end of spring break. We'd all be heading back to school soon.  
Those of us that are still young enough to be attending school that is.

Sam was still working of course, Emily too. Oh and Paul. Everyone always forgot that he was older. Being the big idiot that he is you have trouble imagining him doing something as serious as work. In fact, I'd never seen him work... Did I even know what his job was? I wrecked my brain trying to remember if I'd ever been told before. I got this strange feeling that he tended a bar but couldn't place why I thought that. Hmmm...

 **"Here they come!"** Sam beamed.  
 _ **"Come on Leah! You got this!"**_ Emily and I cheered.

Neither of us could see anyone yet. Sam had either seen or heard something with his keen wolfy senses that us human girls couldn't pick up.

The three of us were sitting outside Sam and Emily's little cottage in the woods of La Push, which just happened to be our finish line today. Often our wolf pack had races. Emily and I would always be found watching from the sidelines cheering on Leah.  
Leah not only was the fastest wolf but she was also the sole female in the pack. Emily and I might not actually _be_ wolves but we consider ourselves wolf girls too, and us wolf girls need to stick together.

 **" _YES! GO LEAH!"_** Em and I cheered as the silver wolf sped past followed closely by Jake's reddish-brown wolf, with the rest not far behind. They moved so fast that they were just a blur of colours. The thunderous sounds of the wolf stampede always made me shiver. It was so amazing. I wonder if it will ever stop feeling like... _magic_.

Sam begrudgingly placed a twenty dollar note in my hand as all the guys came walking up to the house, having shifted and redressed.

 **"I don't know why you ever bother to bet against me Sam."** Leah laughed.

Sam watched Leah with a frown as she moved over to stand next to me, hand on her hip flicking her shoulder length hair back dramatically.

 **"You're just throwing your money away."**

 **"One day it'll happen."** He promised her.

Emily consoled a now sulking Sam as the boys started grabbing the supplies for the camp fire.

 **"Just out of curiosity, who did our wise ol' pack leader think stood a chance against my fine arse?"** Leah questioned with her usual sass as she linked arms with me and led us after the guys towards the beach, leaving Sam and Emily behind.

I giggled. **  
"The fluffier than ever, little grey pup over there."** I teased in Paul's direction.

We had really been laying it on thick lately, pun intended. Paul had lost a bet a few weeks back which resulted in him having to grow his hair long. A look that he'd managed to swing in his favour with the ladies. His wolf however, not so flattering. He was starting to look rather fluffy. The length of the man's hair directly impacted the length of the wolf's fur. It was rather amazing. This is why all the guys keep their hair short.

 **"Keep poking the wolf Bella, one day soon he's going to snap back.  
Wouldn't want you to lose any of those precious little fingers now." **Paul threatened.

He was joking. Mostly.

 **"Aww... you think I'm precious, how sweet."** I teased back.

Paul and I, we had this love-hate relationship. For some reason we both just got on each other's nerves. But he was family, I know he'd never hurt me. In the past his threat would have terrified me. Now I just give it back and try to annoy him as much as I can.

Over the past eight months I've changed a lot. I feel stronger now.  
I've picked up a few bad habits from the boys.  
I'm louder now, more adventurous. I have a bit of a smart mouth now, so Charlie says.  
I get into trouble far too often and my language is more colourful too.  
I'm not the weak little girl who wasn't good enough anymore.

That's what I wanted everyone to believe anyway.

She was still there though, hiding. So was the pain.  
If anyone looked close enough they'd see. I stared in the mirror every day. I saw it.  
The emptiness of my eyes. The forced smile. The scars.  
I shivered at the thought.

 **"Don't you worry about him my lady,  
I shall not allow this wild beast touch a hair on your pretty little head." **Jake proclaimed mockingly, bringing me back to focus.

I laughed and exaggerated a curtsy to Jake, while Leah just rolled her eyes and pulled me away. The boys had run ahead to the already roaring camp fire in the distance and lure of tonight's dinner starting to cook, leaving Leah and I to chat as we followed at a little slower, more human pace. The painful mood my thoughts had taken earlier drifted away as I enjoyed the evening spent with my friends. More than that, my family. _My pack_.


	2. Chapter Two - Payback

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Two – Payback**_

* * *

 **"** **Ok, 3... 2... 1!"** **Sam counted.** **"SHOT!"**

We all cheered and then took a big burning hot gulp of... you know, I'm not sure what it is. Some kind of alcoholic home brew. Moonshine. All I know is that it's clear, it burns my throat, it warms my insides and it's so much fun.

" **Hey, has anyone noticed that Paul kind of looks like-"**

" **A Pomeranian?"** I laughed, cutting Quill off and making Embry choke on his drink from laughter.

Everyone was trying to stay silent and keep a straight face as Paul stood up, eyes locked on me. A shiver of something sinister ran through me. My instincts told me I was in danger, that the man staring down at me was something more than human, something _other_. My mind knew though, knew what he was, and knew that he wouldn't hurt me no matter how capable he was of it.

Jacob's arm protectively slipped around me and I felt the vibrations as he let out a low warning growl to Paul. I gasped and then blushed bright red. Jake's growl was so... _sexy_. Oh god! Everyone is looking at me now. How embarrassing. Interesting that my instincts have never picked Jake as a threat.

Paul went to sit back down and in an effort to take the attention of me I poked the wolf again.

" **Good boy."** I teased.

Paul's step faltered, whether from the shock of my comment or the ridiculous amount of alcohol that he's had tonight, I don't know but I saw it a second before it happened. He's body shivered and a ripple seemed to run over his skin.

I closed my eyes and held my breath. The roar was enough for me to know that Paul had exploded into his wolf. I wasn't scared. The reaction was just my instincts again. I knew that Paul would never really hurt me. Deep down he loved me. He was family.

The others wouldn't let him anyway. They are always careful to make sure no one has any accidents these days. Ever since Emily. I remember speaking to her about it, not that Sam knows about that of course. He'd be mad if he did. Sam will probably always feel horribly about hurting her. She doesn't blame Sam, she's not upset by it at all actually. I was amazed by Emily's words when I asked her about it.

" _ **The scars don't make me feel any less, they don't make me feel ugly. How can I if the only person's opinion that matters to me, looks at me every single day with a look practically screaming that I am the most beautiful thing in his world?"**_

My heart ached again and I sighed. A strange noise distracted my train of thought.

I opened my eyes and burst out laughing. There, in the exact spot where Paul had just been standing was a sleeping, snoring pile of grey fluff. How does someone pass out drunk in the middle of shifting? Only Paul.

I smiled softly watching wolf Paul curled up by the fire. He looked so peaceful. How strange that someone so annoying could look so sweet.

" **Right, well that was entertaining. What now?"** Leah asked.

" **Oh I have an idea! Lets all-"**

" **I have a better idea."** said Sam, cutting Jake off.  
He sat back down sulkingly, wrapping his arm around my shoulders again.

" **Aww... you poor boy."** I crooned, scratching behind his ear.

A quiet rumble came from Jake, vibrating through my body again. Oooo.. I like _that_ one even better.

Cue the blush. I felt the warmth flush to my cheeks and ducked my head. Not that I could hide anything from a pack of wolves with super senses.

" **Truth or dare."** Sam announced, followed by a chorus of 'Hell yeahs!, hooting and whistling.

Sam's eyes were locked on me. _'Oh yay!'_ I thought sarcastically.

These dares can be highly embarrassing. Apparently werewolves had very imaginative minds. Either that or the shared mind thing allowed them to bounce a lot of ideas off each other.

So, either way, better go with truth.

" **Bells, Truth or dare?"** Sam asked.

" **Truth."**

Everyone 'awwed' in complaint. Everyone but Sam, that is. His smile was suspicious. I have a bad feeling about this.

" **Alright, I'll go easy on you.  
This time."**

 **This time, he says. Sure Sure.  
** **  
Why did you blush either?"** he questioned with a knowing smirk.

I felt like a deer in headlights. Oh oh! This is not good.

" **Shit. I mean, dare."** I tried.

" **Oooooo..."**

I rolled my eyes at everyone's excitement. They could see my embarrassment clear as day, probably smell it too. They tried to explain that one to me a while ago. I still don't quite understand how they can smell emotions. Something about sweat and adrenaline mixed with increased heart rate and other things. Reading the body's signals they had said.

" **Nope. Not a chance Bells. Answer the question."** Sam pressed.

Damn.

" **Ok. I guess I just liked Jake's growl a little bit."**

I tried to play it off like it was no big deal. It didn't work.

Everyone whistled and laughed. Jake raised his eyebrows and a slow smirk appeared on his face. He lent in close and let out a deep, long, very deliberate, sexy growl. I gasped at the way my body reacted. My heart raced, It suddenly felt harder to breathe, my skin tingled and itched at the same time. These kinds of feelings haven't surfaced since... I let the thought trail off, not willing to go to that place here or now, later when I'm alone it'll haunt me no doubt.

I glared daggers at Jake.

Ass.

" **I'll growl any time for you baby."** He promised.

I acted without thinking and punched his arm, making everyone burst out laughing while I tried to rub the pain from my knuckles. He quickly picked up my hand and I felt his lips brush against my sore knuckles before he linked his fingers with mine and our hands relaxed, resting on his thigh. It was comfortable. I could never really stay mad at Jake. It was always so easy with Jake.  
Like breathing.

" **Shut up you idiots."** Paul grumbled, the laughter having woke him up.

He rolled over flat on his back and stretched. Woah! Naked! I deliberately keep my eyes away from Paul's direction. He never cared about shifting in front of us and the resulting nakedness. None of them did. Well, none of the boys anyway.

I tried to remember what we had all been talking about. Paul, my hand, Jacob... Oh that's right! Truth or Dare. This could be good. I could get some revenge here...  
Two for one.

" **Truth or dare Jake?"** I asked quickly, knowing his ego would make him pick dare.

He smirked and lent in close, well closer than he already was. I could feel his warm breath against my ear. I shivered again.

" **Dare."** he growled seductively.

Oh just keep it up buddy!

" **Payback is a bitch baby."** I laughed.

I pulled away and faced him front on, feeling giddy.

" **Jacob Ephrim Black, I dare you... to kiss Paul."**

" **What?! NO!"** Paul refused, jumping up.

My smile was so big that my face hurt. Check. Mate. I win.

" **And, it has to be a big sloppy kiss with tongue and all."** I added.

I kept beaming at Jake as he tried to stare me down. His eyes traced my face. They seemed to be looking for something. I willed myself to stay exactly as I was, not giving him anything.

" **You think you've won this? You think I won't?"** Jake questioned me seriously.

Oh I know you won't. Don't move. Don't blink. Keep smirking. Don't give him anything.  
Jake's eyes twinkled and slowly a smirk appeared. Wait, he wouldn't... No.

The others seemed to disappeared it was so quiet but couldn't be sure because I continued to stare at Jake. I felt it a second before it happened. My smirk faltered and then Jake beamed. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. When he opened his eyes again all I could see was determination and excitement.

" **Oh fuck that!"** Paul said before shifting again and bolting off into the forest.

Jake winked at me then followed the direction that Paul had gone in. I breathed a sigh of relief. Had I breathed at all since the stare off had started?  
The game seemingly abandoned and with two less wolves the night drifted into slightly subdued and comfortable chatter.

Quill had just grabbed Embry in a headlock over the last piece of meat when a distant howl caught everyone's attention.  
Sam was first to shift. Then he suddenly started... choking? The black wolf looked so strange I would have laughed if I wasn't so concerned. He lurched forwards again. Was he... dry-reaching?

Emily worriedly ran to her wolf trying to help him. Sam shifted back just as all the others shifted and he screamed, trying to stop them .

" **No! Don't!"**

But he was too late. I was suddenly surrounded by horse sized wolves. Clothes lay in pieces all over the ground.

Why would he not want them to change? Unless...  
Jacob and Paul...

The other wolves had similar reactions as Sam did.  
Seth looked like he was trying to scratch his nose off.  
Oh my... I unsuccessfully tried to hold back a giggle.  
They didn't...

" **Sam?"** I questioned.

He just shook his head in disgust.

" **Jacob had a bit of trouble forcing Paul to change back but he managed. Be thankful that you never have to see that Bella.  
Oh and Paul is very unhappy with you."** He warned.

When everyone was back human again and new clothes had been found, there were a few smirks and snickers. I knew as grossed out as they were, they were also pretty proud of me.  
Leah actually winked at me and shrugged her shoulders.

" **What? It was kinda hot."** she admitted, leaving the others a little dumbfounded and grossed out.

Before I knew it, it was late and I was lying beside the camp fire drifting off to sleep listening to the quiet chatter around me. Strong, warm arms lifted me up and the last thing I remember was the hum of a car engine.


	3. Chapter Three - Victoria

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Three – Victoria**_

* * *

The first thing I felt when I woke up was a layer of sweat over my body. The second was confusion. My mouth was dry and my head was foggy. What is wrong with me? The third, no matter how shit I was feeling and how little my brain wanted to function, was understanding and regret.  
This was a hangover.

Groaning as I got out of bed and the world spun a little. I stumbled my way to the bathroom, noticing Charlie's door open on my way.  
He must have left for work already.  
I felt instantly relieved that he wasn't home to see me like this.

I moaned as the warm water cleaned and soothed my aching body. I felt better after a few minutes. Not as much as I knew I could though.

I sighed, saddened that my thoughts took a dark path so often.

My eyes glanced over to my body lotion bottle. Something that I knew Charlie would never touch.  
I reached out, hesitating then grabbing the bottle.

There it was, hiding just out of sight. A small silver blade, shining as if it were some magical hidden treasure.

Oh, Edward... I sighed.

The tears came back just as they always do.  
The crushing worthlessness.  
The gaping hole in my very core.

I tried to hold myself together, afraid that this time might be the last.  
How long could I survive this?  
How many times can you fall apart before it becomes impossible to pick up the pieces?

I gasped trying to breathe even though it felt like there was no air left in my body.  
I clung to my knees as I fell apart, curled up in a pathetic ball in the bottom of the shower.  
Gradually I managed to get more air in my lungs and calmed down enough to stand back up.

The numbness had already started.  
My escape from the pain.  
I took a deep breath.

Words whispered in my mind and I started to sing without thought as I picked up the blade and ran it across my arm, adding another scar to my arm.

 **"** **I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating  
In the pain  
There is healing  
In your name  
I find meaning  
So I'm holding on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on  
Barely holding on to you.** **"**

I stared in the mirror as I absent-mindedly cleaned and covered my arm using the first aid kit that Charlie keeps the bathroom under the sink.

She looks like a stranger.

A loud crash made me jump and gasp.  
I quickly slipped my shirt and pants on and slowly opened the door.  
No one was in the hall but I could hear a quiet growling sound coming from my room.

I silently made my way down the hall and pushed open my door, breathing a sigh of relief when Jake came into view standing over by the window.  
He must have climbed through the window to come check on me. Why is he growling?

Damn Jake! You broke my lamp?

" **Bells..."** His voice sounded strange.  
 **"This needs to stop."**

I felt the horrible suffocating darkness creeping back in.

" **Jake."** I whispered, barely able to speak.

His hands were in fists by his side and his body was shaking, clearly trying to hold back from shifting.

" **I heard you Bella. _I can smell your blood!_ "** He said as if the words tasted bad on his tongue.

It all came crashing down on me and I cried out.

" **I can't help it Jake, I love him!"**

Jacob's arms wrapped around me and he held me until I was done crying.

" **I'm sorry Bells. I just hate seeing how he's still hurting you. I just want you to be happy honey."**

I nodded my head. What could I say?  
I wish I could but I just can't picture myself ever being truly happy ever again.

" **Can you please pass me my song book Jake?"** I asked, trying not to forget the words that I had been singing earlier.

I desperately held on to everything that made me feel connected to him, even if it hurt me more. Lately I had found that in singing. I could see Jake's reluctance, he'd rather I tried to forget.

That could never happen.

Jake was sitting at the kitchen table. I could feel him watching me. Waiting for me to break down again.  
He doesn't get it. Doesn't understand that singing out the words makes the pain easier to bare.  
It really does help.

I'd even begun to enjoy it. I knew I wasn't a great singer, but my voice wasn't horrible.  
I sang as I was making food for Jacob.

" **I'm cold and white  
I'm holding on  
I'll try to breathe for you  
I'm crying out  
I'm singing loud  
You could be all I need.**

 **And I'm losing my will**  
 **Just to hold you in**  
 **I'm giving up the hope**  
 **That you could have been the one**  
 **To save me from me-"**

I froze as I heard the chair crash and Jacob roar.  
Suddenly I was shoved sideways into the bench, crushing my arm between the bench and my body.  
I screamed in pain but then gasped as the agonising howl form Jacob had my heart breaking before I could even get to his bloody wolf body on my kitchen floor.

" **Jake! Oh god Jacob! Please be ok. Oh god there is so much blood. Jake? Jake?!"** I sobbed.

" **Friend of yours Bella?"** her sickening voice teased.

Oh no. This was it.

" **Victoria."** I spat, standing to face her.  
I was strangely unafraid.

She sighed.  
" **I only wish I had more time with you Bella.  
We'd have a little more fun. Those damn dogs ruin everything!"**

It all happened so fast and yet, so slow.  
Without warning I felt her teeth rip open my throat.  
I couldn't scream.  
I couldn't fight.

This was it.

I'm so sorry Jake. This was all my fault.

Victoria's hands scratched and clawed at my back as she drank my blood.  
She was tearing me to pieces and I couldn't do a thing to stop her.

" **Edward!"** I managed to cry out. **  
** _I love you._

I felt somewhat at ease, knowing his name would be the last word to touch my lips.

Everything slowed right down then. I began to feel cold and numb. I always welcomed the numbness.  
The pain was fading. I closed my eye and waited.

Another wolf roared.

I felt dizzy and a thump.

A groan from under me.

The pain was returning. I could feel movement from under me. I opened my eyes.

I was laying on top of Jake. He groaned again. Sorry Jake.

I felt warm now.  
Too warm.

Jacob moved again and I ended up lying on my back on the hard floor where Jake had just been.  
The pain was back in full force now and my body felt like I was burning all over.  
I felt keenly aware again.  
Sam's black wolf was here. He was fighting Victoria. Jacob was struggling to get up.

Thank god. At least Jacob would survive this.

The pain was too much and I couldn't hold back my screams. Victoria screamed in the background and then everything went silent.

Finally. She's dead.

I tried to move, to escape the burning but the pain from my torn back was too much.  
I tried to stay still but I couldn't help but thrash around. The burning was all over me.  
Was I on fire?

Oh no... not fire. Venom!

It's the venom, I'm changing!

Jacob is going to hate me.

" **Bella! Bella! Where is the most pain Bells?"** Jake's voice asked.

I tried my best to answer him but it was hard to talk.  
My throat didn't feel right.

" **Ja..ke... I'm changing... please.. don't... leave me..."** I softly begged.

" **Bells. I'm here.  
Till your heart stops beating honey.  
I wont leave you."**

" **Jacob, there is too much blood.  
She might not even make it through the change." **I heard Sam say.

I felt my body being moved, lifted and I cried out.  
The pain was excruciating.

Please make it stop.

" **I think a lot of that is mine but its getting in all her wounds.  
God. That's pretty bad. Can she even heal from that? And venom kills us, if my blood is in her it might-"**

" **Jacob, we wont know until we see what happens but we can't stay here.  
Bella, we need you to stop screaming. I know it hurts but can you please try?"** Sam asked.

Charlie!  
What will he think?

I clamped my mouth shut.  
I think I bit through my lip but with every inch of my body on fire it was hard to tell.  
I hadn't even realised that I was screaming before.  
I tried not to make a sound as Jake carried me but couldn't stop the tears and whimpers that escaped.

Eventually I was put down on something soft.  
It still sent another wave of pain from my back. I don't know how long I was burning for. I tried to stay focused on Jake's warm hand holding mine and his sweet voice while he sat by my side whispering things to me that my mind couldn't comprehend.  
As the pain became even harder to bear I tried as hard as I could to hold myself together, to keep everything in.

I sighed when the pain started to dull but as soon as I relaxed my efforts the pain came back in full force.  
After a little while I realised that the closer I tried to hold the pain the less it hurt.  
I had this silly picture in my mind, I was holding onto this big ball of pain, cuddling it as tight as I could.  
The more I squeezed the ball the less pain it caused me.

What is going to happen now?  
What will Jake think of me?  
Oh Charlie...


	4. Chapter Four - Sister

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Four – Sister**_

* * *

I felt my entire body relax and it took me a second to realise that the ball in my mind was gone.  
I moved my body.  
Testing to see if the pain would come back.  
Relief flooded me when I felt nothing.  
Actually I felt good.  
Kinda… _light_.

I sighed and relaxed.

I started to notice a few things.  
The thudding of heartbeats nearby.  
Lots of heavy breathing.  
Birds chirping.  
Wildlife scattering around in the distance.

I breathed in instinctively.

Pine and musk. Jake! Oh Jacob.  
What will he think of me now?  
I clenched my fist, he was gone but I could still feel the heat from where his hand had held mine.

I breathed in again and it felt like I was surrounded by all sorts of wild forest scents.  
It was amazing!

It was hard to believe but even with my eyes still closed I could tell who each scent belonged to and where each wolf was. Jake and Sam were closer than the others and by the sound of their breathing I'd assume they were the only two not all wolfed out on me.

Everyone was in a rather large and slightly stale smelling room.  
There was something old and sweet about the smells that lingered here.

I opened my eyes and was again amazed.  
Every grain, every speck of dust...  
I could see... everything.

" **Bella? Are you...** _ **ok**_ **?"** Jake's voice was shaky.

I sat up to look at him and everyone took a quick step back, shocked by my ridiculously fast movement.  
Wow.  
I'll have to remember to move a little slower.

My heart sank as I took in my surroundings.  
Why here? Why of all places did they bring me here?

Rationally part of my brain knew why.  
I'd been screaming and the pack would have needed to bring me somewhere far away from humans.

Oh wow.

I'm not human any more. That'll take some adjusting to.

" **Bella?"**

Why does his voice sound wrong?  
Maybe he is just worried about me.

The sight of him laying on my kitchen floor all bloody and hurt flashed to mind and I quickly looked him up and down trying to see any injuries.

He looked fine. Healthy. No visible scars.  
He looked wary though.  
It made me feel uncomfortable.

" **I'm ok Jake-"**  
I gasped and so did Jake.  
Is that my voice?!

It sounded so soft. So beautiful.

Jake sighed then squared his shoulders.  
I couldn't help but feel wary myself, threatened.

" **You need to leave."**

What?!  
He sounded angry.  
Leave?  
This is my home... my family.  
What is he saying? He can't leave me too.

" **Jake... you promised-"**

Until your heart stops beating... his voice echoed in my memory.

" **I can't lose you too Jake. Please."** I begged.

I could see the sadness in his eyes but in a flash it was gone and his face became emotionless.

" **You've changed Bella. You can't stay here.  
You're not my Bella any more.  
We can't let you hurt anyone. You need to leave.  
Now."**

His voice was cold and distant. Just like Ed- just like _his_ had been that day.

It's happening again!  
It's not as bad.  
It can't hurt as much this time.  
It just can't.  
I can't break again, there'll be nothing left of me.

Not as bad. Not as bad. Not as bad.  
I repeated it over and over in my head but I could still feel myself crumbling.  
I can't go through this again.  
I wouldn't survive.

Despair filled me and I wrapped my arms around myself.  
I don't have anyone else. I don't have anywhere to go.  
This is my home. This was my family.  
This is all I have left…

Suddenly I was angry. Why me? Why is it always me?  
Why do I always lose everyone I love?  
Why?!

I'm not going anywhere.  
I can't.  
They can't make me!  
I won't go!  
I won't leave my family!

I felt a fire building inside me.  
Not burning with pain like my change had but with anger, with _desperation_.  
My body pulsed, itching to lash out.

This was not happening.  
I WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!  
I felt my body shake and everything looked a little red.

" **Is she-?"**

" **No, no, NO!"** I screamed and then howled out all my pain and anger.

Wait- what?!

My body felt strange.  
Out of shape.

Confused, I looked down and saw two white paws.

WHAT?!

" _HOLY SHIT! Bella is a wolf!"_

A wolf...  
I'm a wolf?  
How?  
How the hell is this possible. It's not. It's not possible.

I felt a tickle in my head and shook my head.  
This is so weird.

First I'm a plain boring human, then I get attacked and turn into a vampire.  
Now I explode into a wolf?  
I must be dreaming.

How the heck is this even possible?!

" _It's my fault.  
My blood got into your wounds.  
It must have caused this." _Jacob said.

No, wait. Jacob thought? I vampire mind… ummm… wolf mind… had realised that I hadn't heard the words out loud, they'd been inside my head. I looked at Jacob, he was a wolf now. Sam too.  
When did they shift?  
I'd never noticed how beautiful Sam's black fur was.  
I could see every strand.  
My eyes flicked to Jake as a ray of sun coming through the open front door touched his tail as he whipped it side to side. I could see several tones of copper in his fur that I'd never been able to distinguish before.

I looked down at my paws again. So weird… My fur looked so soft. So white.

" _So, I guess that I am part vampire, part werewolf?"_ I thought asked.

No one answered.

" _Am I doing this think conversation thing wrong? Can anyone hear me?"_ I asked, confused.

" _Yes Bella, we can hear you."_ Sam chuckled  
 _"We just didn't know what to say.  
This is unheard of.  
The elders will not like this."_

Right. The elders.  
They'll want me gone. Where do they expect me to go?

A scary thought stopped me dead in my tracks.  
Sam and Jake want me gone, but the elders...

They might want me _dead_.  
The thought sent a shiver down my spine. I instantly wanted to run, or fight or something.

I felt a ripple over my skin.  
I could feel something there. It made me feel safe again.  
Safe and strong.  
I traced it in my mind. It was a thin layer that covered my entire body.  
I could feel it coat every claw, every hair, every inch of me.  
It felt like... protection.

Like a shield.  
I instinctively knew that I could use this shield to protect myself if I needed to. I knew it like it was part of me. Like an extension of my body, of my mind.

The shield got thicker, stronger as I thought about needing its protection.  
I hope I don't need it.  
I would use it though, if anyone tires to hurt me or make me leave.  
I'm _not_ going anywhere.  
They won't be able to make me.

Damn, do they know about it now? Have they heard all my thoughts?

" _What is happening? Why can't we hear her? Is she in shock?"_

 _"Did her brain stop working"_ That came from Paul with a sneer.

They haven't heard anything I've been thinking? That's strange, I'm sure they said that everyone hears every single thought the others have.  
Why not mine?

Maybe they heard me earlier because I was asking a question? Maybe if I _want_ them to hear me they will. If I think _to_ them.

Worth a try. How can I test it...

I don't want them to know... that I am secretly happy that I was turned into a vampire.

" _Don't be stupid Paul. She looks like she is thinking.  
This is strange." _Sam commented.

Good. So unless I directly talk to them like...

" _I'm ok guys."_

" _Holy shit! She is there. What the hell?"_ Embry exclaimed.

Well that is good to know.

" _Um, how do I turn back into a huma-  
How do I shift back?"_

" _You need to be calm."_ Jacob explained.

Irritation cursed through me and I growled.

" _Calm? CALM?! How the hell am I supposed to be calm?!"_

" _Bella I-"_ Jake stepped towards me and I exploded again.

I shoved all my pain and anger out and yelled.

" _HOW CAN YOU TELL ME TO BE CALM?! YOU ARE THROWING ME AWAY.  
JUST LIKE HE DID!  
YOU TELL ME TO LEAVE. WHERE WOULD I GO?!  
YOU GUYS ARE EVERYTHING TO ME AND YOU WANT ME GONE..."_

" _Bella! You're- you're hurting us!"_ Leah cried out, distracting me.

I looked around and was confused.  
Everyone was pressed against the walls.  
It took me a second to realise that it was me, that I was doing this to them.

Quill and Embry were shoved onto the other couch, Leah was being flattened to the floor not far from Sam. Seth was up against a door. Paul was in a bundle in the corner and Jake was staring at me, pressed against the wall directly in front of me.

I could feel that my mind was holding them. It wasn't my shield though, that was still over my body.  
This was another one, one that I was pushing out at them.

" _Bella, I'm sorry.  
I don't want you to go.  
You can't go."_

His eyes were soft again.

" _He's right Bella. You need to stay here with us. Please let us up."_

Sam sounded calm and collected as usual in situations like this.  
Well, there has never been a situation quite like _this_.

It was easy to let the shield disappear.  
Now that my anger had waded.

" _I can stay?"_ I asked with hope flickering.  
They aren't abandoning me?

" _Of course Bella, we never_ _ **wanted**_ _you to go. We were just scared.  
We love you. You're family. You're one of us now.  
_ _  
_ _A sister."_


	5. Chapter Five - Shield

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Five – Shield**_

* * *

" _Ok. I think I'm calm enough now."_ I thought as I tried to will myself back into my human from.

I paid attention this time and could feel my body changing.  
I heard Jake and Leah yell at me to wait but it was too late. As soon as it had started it was over. I was a little surprised that it didn't hurt.  
I expected it to.

I rolled my shoulders and wiggled a little. Everything felt normal again.  
I gasped as I realised everyone who had shifted back with me were human and _naked._  
They were quickly getting dressed.

Oh no. Please no...

" **That's so not fair!"** Seth complained.  
He, Sam, Jake and Leah were looking at me with shocked expressions.

I reluctantly looked down and was so _very_ relieved to see clothes.  
Bloody and torn but still covering the important parts.

" **How the hell did you do that?!"** Leah hissed.

" **I don't know."** **I answered, just as confused.**

The few in human form started discussing how my clothes were still intact and what exactly 'I am' like I wasn't here so I let my eyes wonder.

My heart ached as I noticed white sheets covering all the furniture.  
This house used to feel so warm and welcoming.  
I remember the undeniable draw I would feel to the beautiful piano that sat in the far corner.

Part of me wanted to remove the big white sheet that hid it from view.  
Part of me was too scared.

It might break me.

" **Bella?"** Jake called softly, pulling my attention away from the dangerous thoughts that tinted my mind.

" **Hmm..?"** I managed as I refocused on the conversations around me.

" **How are you feeling?  
Are you... hungry?" **Jake hedged.

Ouch!  
I hadn't noticed it before but I could now, there was a scratchy-itchy feeling in my throat.  
It wasn't bad. Just annoying.

I noticed out the corner of my eye Paul's wolf tense up. Is he really that worried about me?

" _If she goes to attack, get her first."_

I rolled my eyes and scoffed.

" **Honestly Paul, I'd never hurt any of you.  
You're family.  
Besides, you all smell really good but not in a 'food' type of way."**

More like... comfort. Like home.

" _How did she….?"_

" **Um, Bella? Did you just hear Paul?"** Sam questioned.

Yes I heard! What is his problem? How can he possibly think I'd ever hurt them?

" **Oh for goodness sake Sam! I am not going to hurt anyone. I-'**

" **No, no, no. Bella."** He cut me off, waving his hands apologetically.

" **That isn't what I meant at all.** **Paul is a wolf Bella, are you still hearing his thoughts?"**

Oh. Am I?

" _Bella is one weird wolf."_ Quil thought

No kidding. I wonder why I can still hear them?

" **Are you a mind reader too? Like that other bloodsucker?"**

I flinched at Jacob's insult. Is that what he thinks of me too now?  
They were still good people. They weren't the monsters Jake saw them as.

His eyes were almost apologetic when he realised that his comment had hurt me.  
Almost.

" _She's weird alright but just look at her. I'd take a bite out of that vamp any day!"_ Embry thought whistled.

" **Oh god! I do not want to see that!"** I whined as images of _me_ flooded the mind conversation.

Jake and Sam were looking confused and impatient.

" **Well I can't hear either of yours or Seth and Leah's thoughts so I don't think that I'm a mind reader.  
It must just be a wolf thing." **I guessed.

A pack mind connection?

It was quiet. It felt weirdly silent.  
Oh! I can't hear anyone else's thoughts in my head.

" **This just keeps getting more and more confusing."** Sam mumbled.  
 **"So you can still hear them now?"** He asked.

It was still silent.  
But then again, do I want to see more of that?

Oh maybe that's why I'm not hearing anything now, because I don't _want_ to!  
It must be the same as them hearing my thoughts.  
Only when I want to.

I tried to listen in and I was right!  
Thankfully there were no more images of me going around.

" **So apparently if I want to hear them I can and if I don't want to I don't.  
It makes sense I guess."**

Seth scoffed. **"Yeah, to you maybe.  
It doesn't work that way for us. No off switch."**

" **Anyway..."** Jake led.

" **Oh, right. I have an itch in my throat that's all. I didn't even notice it before you brought it up. And like I said, you all smell good but not like food.  
You don't need to worry anyway.  
I'm vegetarian."** I joked.

My heart sank a little when no one laughed. Ok so too soon for vampire jokes. I guess it'll take us all some time to get used to this.

" **So anyway... I'm out.  
I've been in **_**here**_ **for much longer than I'd like."  
** I glanced around again at the offending white sheets and my lips curled up in distaste.

 **Jacob smiled and muttered** ** _"Finally, a natural response."_**

 **"Let's hunt!"** I quickly encouraged, ignoring his comment.

I stepped out of the house and was down the steps, across the drive and out on the grass before I realised that I was alone. A second later everyone came running out of the house looking at me in shock. Not again, what had I done this time?

 **"How did you do that?!"** Seth asked excitedly.

" _Wow that was as fast as Leah in full sprint!"_ Quill gushed.  
 _"Faster."_ Embry added.

Oh. They'd seen a vampire move before hadn't they?

" **Vampires are fast. You guys know that."  
** I shrugged my shoulders, feeling a little uncomfortable with their staring.

 **"I've never seen anything move** _ **that**_ **fast."** Sam commented with a weird tone.

He was suspicious. Seth was excited. Jake was… proud.  
I laughed as I realised that I finally understood what they had meant by smelling emotions.

Alright, enough staring at the weird vamp-wolf girl.  
Not entirely sure of what I was doing, I pictured in my mind becoming a wolf again and within a second I was on four paws again.  
I shook out my fur, getting a proper feel for my new wolf body.  
It felt good.  
Free.  
Wild.

 _"She's a natural. It's never that easy to shift at the start."_ Embry thought in awe.

 _"Yeah and did anyone else smell that? Soooo good..."_ Quil thought dreamily.

From their thoughts it seemed like my scent had become stronger for a minute there.  
I felt a strange sensation. Who am I kidding? Everything is strange to me right now.  
First when Sam and Jake shifted, then again as Seth and Leah shifted.

I felt them change. I could tell who was in wolf form. I could feel them in my mind even though I wasn't listening to their thoughts. Is that normal?

" _Hey guys? Can you feel each other shift?"_ I asked.

" _We don't feel anything, we just hear another voice in our mind. Why? What do you feel?"_ Sam asked.

I could feel that he just really wanted to understand all of this.

" _I don't know how to explain it exactly. A shiver?  
A sensation that just _**felt** _like Leah-wolf, like Seth-wolf when they changed.  
I don't know if I'm just losing it or something but I think that even if I hadn't of seen them I would have known when they shifted."_

" _Interesting."  
_ Sam's mind was running over every new detail. He was analysing me.

" _So, another one for the vamp-wolf weirdness collection. Let's go eat!"_ Embry encouraged.

Oh, had I thought that to the wolves before I shifted? Vamp-wolf. That's going to stick.

Sam was still distracted so Jarred, who had been on patrol and just ventured out to us, started to lead 'the hunt'.  
Jacob and Leah stayed close to me and gave me a few pointers on pack hunting along the way.

We managed to surround a herd of deer and I watched as they attacked and ate the meat off the deer. It was pretty gross.  
They assured me that it felt natural in wolf form, that you just need to follow your instincts.

" _Bella!"_ Jake called.

There was a deer at his feet.  
Dead but uneaten.  
He'd snapped its neck.

" _Close your eyes."_

He could see that I was unsure about this.  
I hesitated but followed his advice.

" _Think about how hungry you are. Focus on the pit of your stomach and just let yourself go."_

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.  
I wasn't hungry. I was _thirsty_.  
And it wasn't my stomach that came into focus, it was the burn in my throat.

I breathed deep, readying myself.  
I could smell that the deer's blood was cooling fast and I moved without thought.  
I moaned as the blood flowed down my throat.

My new and improved mind compared the feeling while focusing on drawing in as much blood as I could.  
It felt like a warm hot chocolate on a cold day.  
An amazing warmth soaked through my body.

When I was done I licked my lips, brushed myself off, realising I had hands again.  
I was human again. I mean Vampire. Urgh, this is annoying.  
How will I ever wrap my head around it all? Even with all this extra room in my head for wrapping.  
My mind feels so advanced yet I was still feeling confused.

I thanked Jake.  
He was right.  
It did feel natural.  
Even though it was not what he had expected.

Hello! I'm a Vampire.

I studied the deer, it was still in one piece. Just a few tears in it's throat.  
I moved to sit by a tree and wait for everyone else to finish.

I knew that they had all stopped to watch me but was thankful that they were enjoying their own meals and pretending they hadn't.

Curiosity got the better of me and I listened to their minds.

" _I wonder why she changed back? Can she not eat in wolf form?  
Or is it just the same human thoughts that we all had to fight at the start?  
And the clothes thing is really strange. It makes no sense at all.  
Shouldn't even be possible."_

I tuned out again. I didn't even realise that I had changed back until after I'd finished.  
Maybe next time I'll focus more and see if I can drink in wolf form.

Seems Sam's mind is going crazy with information.  
I wonder what the elders will think when he fills them in?  
I wonder what Edward would think of me?  
Pain spiked as usual. I hadn't expected that _that_ would change just because I had.

My mind wondered back to earlier, when I used my shield on the others.

Oh wow, that's my vampire power! _My shield._  
Awesome.  
I'm talented.

I imagined Edward leaving again.  
It hurt, but I could stop him now.  
I could hold him like I did the others!

A flash of his sad, tortured eyes made me wince.  
No.  
I couldn't do that.  
If he doesn't want me then there is nothing I can do.  
I should not have pictured his face. I'll pay for that later.

I felt eyes on me.  
The wolves had finished eating, some were play fighting, some were digging holes.  
Strange. Why were they digging holes? Is that fun?  
Leah was licking her bloody paws.  
Sam was staring at me.  
Hmm...

Analysing me again probably. Or still.

Oh well. Let's see about this vampire power then shell we.  
I focused on putting a big bubble-like shield around Sam. I didn't want to push him this time.  
I could feel it in my mind but not see it with my eyes.  
Sam didn't seem to notice anything.

Ok, so I'm sure if I squeeze him with it he'll be stuck.  
The shield morphed it's shape and covered Sam's wolf body like the one on me did to me.  
Mine moved with me but I wanted his to hold him still.  
I gasped as I felt pressure in my mind.  
He was trying to move!

I listened to his thoughts.

" _What the hell?! What's happening?"_

Everyone was focusing on Sam now.  
They were feeling jittery and uncomfortable as Sam struggled, unable to move.  
I could feel it too, in my bones. I wanted to move.  
I let go of my hold but kept the shield on him.  
He felt safe in my mind. _Protected_. Like nothing outside my shield could hurt him.

As Sam stretched and tested his movements and the others talked, mostly about their suspicions, about what had happened to him.  
I wondered what else I could do.  
Clearly I could protect someone, hold someone.  
Could I hide someone?

Everyone gasped and I felt their instant panic.

" _What the fu-"  
"Where did he go?"_

Sam was exactly where he was a second ago.  
Still coated in my shield but now he looked like a shadow.  
Faded, I could barely see him and it seemed like the others couldn't see him at all.

" _Guys! I'm right here."_

He doesn't know that he is invisible. Interesting.  
Leah was the first one to be smart enough to close her eyes and see through Sam's eyes in her mind.

" _Bella, are you doing this? How is this even possible?"_ she asked, both worried and impressed.

I ignored everyone's questions, the excitement and feeling of power that filled me was amazing!  
I wanted to know more.

So, what if he was an enemy? I can hold him. Can I blind him?  
I thought about the shield not being see threw from the inside but solid so that he wouldn't be able to see out.

" _Bella!"_

Yep.  
I winced and turned off the wolf mind hearing.  
 **"This is so much fun."** I laughed.

A familiar shiver and the yelling was back. He had shifted.

" **Bella! Stop it! Let me go!  
I don't know what you've done to me but stop it now!" **Sam growled.

Damn, can I block out human Sam like I can wolf Sam?  
I laughed when Sam's shadowy figure looked to be lecturing me but there was not a sound.  
Yes! Soundproof Shield! Awesome.

The others were starting to freak out.

" **Alright guys, Calm down.  
So it turns out that I have a kick arse vampire power.  
A shield. Of sorts.  
Sam is still here, I just made him invisible.  
Oh and I soundproofed the shield so we can't hear him giving me a lecture right now."**

I snickered and Sam looked very unimpressed, he can obviously still hear from his side of the shield. He started to move forwards blindly.  
It looked very funny. He was waving his hands around trying to feel where he was going.  
I held him still again and jumped up, shouting back to the pack as I started to run.

" **Ok Sam is a little pissed. I'll see you guys back on the res!"**

I wasn't sure how long my shield would hold now that it was out of my sight so I ran as fast as I could. It was amazing both how fast I was and how easily my mind picked up every little detail of the forest despite my speed.

When I hit the edge of the res I stopped.  
Now, where to hide from Sam.  
I could still feel him fighting my shield even from this distance.  
In awe of my power, I decided Emily would save me.  
I released Sam and headed to their house out in the woods of the res.


	6. Chapter Six - She's Mine

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Six – She's Mine**_

* * *

Still feeling giddy from my run, I jumped the front steps a little too enthusiastically and smashed through the front door like it was nothing.

Standing there looking around the floor at the shattered wood pieces, I couldn't stop the hysterical laughter that took over my body.

This whole situation is just so unbelievable.

A loud, fast, pounding heart caught my attention and I looked up.  
Emily was standing near the kitchen staring at me.  
I watched her eyes move from me to take in the disaster I had just caused and then back to me.

I could smell fear coming from her. Still not used to emotions having an actual smell, I felt instantly terrible. I've probably scared the hell out of her.

I very slowly moved over to her, worrying when she stopped breathing.  
I gently reached out and held her hands in mine.

" **I am so sorry Em. Please don't be scared of me. I will never hurt you.  
Ever.  
I promise.  
I'll always protect you.  
I love you."**

I waited.  
After twenty three seconds she finally took a breath.

I tried my best to give her a reassuring smile.

" **The door was an accident. I was running from Sam and I'm not used to this body yet.  
I'm sorry.  
You'll help me won't you?  
Us wolf girls have to stick together right?" **I asked.

Her heartbeat had calm down but she was still tense.

" **Are you still a wolf girl Bella?"** She questioned worriedly.

It did sting a little that she doubted me but I guess to her right now I just look like a scary vampire.

" **I** _ **always will be**_ **Em. I know that I seem like just a vampire but I'm actually part wolf too thanks to Jacob. You should see my white fur Em, its beautiful."**

Her eye went wide and she seemed just as shocked by my statement as the boys had been to see me shift first hand. After it had sunk in she smiled and squeezed my hands.

" **Thank god. I'd been a mess this past week thinking we'd lost you."**

Week? It took me a whole week to change?!

" **Now, what is this business with my Sam?"** she asked.

Oh, right. He'll be here in no time. I quickly wrapped us in a big shield, making us invisible, soundproof and I tried to see if I could block our scents too. Hopefully it worked. Otherwise he would be able to sniff us out and find us too easily.

I pulled Emily so that we were standing against the wall, I didn't want him to run into us either.

" **Ok so I have this kinda awesome vampire power, its shields. Like… Bubbles? I can do whatever I want to them. Like right now we are in one. You can't tell but we are actually invisible! When Sam comes he won't be able to see, hear or smell us."** I explained excitedly.

Her expression was hilarious. Her eyes were wide and her jaw had dropped in shock. Ok maybe I shouldn't have overwhelmed her but there is no time now. I could hear the thumping of heavy feet heading our way.

I nodded my head in the direction of the door, letting Em know that Sam was almost here.

" **Let's have some fun."**

Sam's giant big wolf came bounding into the house and froze. Well if she wasn't already freaked out that would have done it. At least I still look mostly human.

" _Oh my god! My Emily!"_

Sam quickly shifted and I covered my eyes, making Emily giggle as she watched her man pull on his pants. I could smell her excitement. Gross. Not really enjoying this new sense of smell.

" **Bella?"** Sam called frantically from the doorway, looking at his mess of a house.

I'll have to replace that door and tidy up. Can't have poor Em cleaning up my mess.

" **Oh god… Emily?!"**

He quickly ran from room to room checking everywhere for looked really freaked out.

" **What is he doing?"** Emily whispered when Sam had sprinted back out the door and we could hear him running around the house.

" **I think he is tracking our scent. Trying to see if I took you and ran I guess."** I answered, not bothering to whisper. I knew that he wouldn't be able to hear us through my shield.

 **I'm not really sure."** I confessed.

" **I'm still pretty new to this."** I reminded her with a smile making her giggle.

Sam came back into the house with his nose in the air, clearly smelling. I suppose I was right then. Maybe I won't be so bad at this whole wolf thing. I never did fit in anywhere as a human.

I pulled the shield in closer as Sam passed us nearly running into it. His sniffing stopped and he huffed out a growl. I wanted to laugh at him for not being able to find us but I couldn't. He started pacing around the house. He looked so distressed. He should know better than to think I'd ever hurt Emily. I don't care if I was a one minute old normal vampire that was starving to death, I'd take one look at Emily and do absolutely _everything_ to keep her safe.

" **I'm going to let him hear you."** I said glancing at Em.  
She nodded, looking sad. Damn, guess the fun is over.

" **Sammy?"** She called quietly, her voice shaking.

He gasped and ran back to the kitchen, his eyes darting around trying to find where her voice came from. It only took a few seconds but I saw the instant he understood. I watched as Sam tried to calm himself, his body straightened up and his breathing evened out.

I let our scents escape my shield, trying to help calm him further and his shoulders relaxed slightly.

I didn't mean for him to be too freaked out.

" **Bella, please. Please don't hurt her."** He begged.

I really wish they'd stop doubting me.

" **I'll do anything. Just please let her go."**

I sighed. Well this is not what I had planned. Not fun at all. I looked at Em and she looked at me with sad eyes. Yep, she's out.

" **Honestly, you two are no fun. This was supposed to be a joke."** I complained, letting my shield dissolve.

Sam flung himself at Emily with a big sigh of relief. I watched as he tenderly cupped Emily's check and lent in, placing a soft slow kiss on her lips. I ducked my head, feeling like I was intruding on a very intimate moment. My heart ached and I couldn't stay here anymore. I can't see this without it breaking me.

A small sniffle escaped and I laughed, trying to play it off like I wasn't losing it.

" **Get a room will you."**

Sam hummed, his lips still skimming Emily's.

" **I think we will."**

Emily's eyes never left Sam's as he picked her up and carried her towards the bedroom. He paused just inside the doorway.

" **Don't think this is over Bella. You owe me a new door too. Get on that."** He said before pushing the door shut with his foot.

I sighed, relieved.

" **I love her too Sam!"** I yelled towards the bedroom door.

" **She's mine."** Came his muffled reply.

Yeah, I didn't want to know what was happening in there. I left the house and headed towards the sound of the guys approaching.

" **She's alive!"** Quil said dramatically making everyone laugh.

I put my fingers on my throat, as if I was feeling for a pulse.

" **Well, sort of."** I joked.

It was kinda strange, feeling nothing. They laughed and I dropped my hand, smiling. Good. Not too soon for vampire jokes then.

" **We thought for sure he'd at least take a bite out of you."** Embry teased.

" **Yeah and I notice you all rushed in to save me."** I commented accusingly.

They had strolled here in no quick need, play fighting along the way. Probably making bets if the twenty that Paul had just handed Jake was any indication. None of them seemed to fussed at all. Carefree. I wonder if that was a wolf thing?

" **He** _ **is**_ **the boss man."** Quil said, shrugging his shoulders.

That he is. I'll need to do that door soon. But not now. I shivered as I heard the moaning coming from the little cottege in the distance.

" **Yeah I know. I tried to play a trick on him with Em. It didn't go down well."**

" **Is no one else pissed that one of the packs imprints was just in danger? And where is Sam? What have you done to him?"** Paul snapped.

Where is Sam?  
We are a fair way off from the cottege but I have no trouble guessing exactly what Sam is doing. His moans are faint but obvious.

" **Aww come on Paul, she's still Bella. She'd never hurt anyone."** Leah defended.

I rolled my eyes and was thankful that the others didn't seem to agree with Paul. At least someone had a little faith in me. Paul really needs to relax.

" **Emily was** _ **fine**_ **."**

She's even more fine now apparently, though it seems I am the only one that can hear her.

" **I'd never hurt her, it's Sam I'm worried about. I'm sure he'll get me back at some point."**

Nah he probably wont. Emily will convince him not to.

" **I hope so."** Paul scoffed.

Hmmm… golden opportunity. Get Paul, get Sam and get Emily. I feel a bit bad about Emily but she was in on the joke then bailed on me…. She'll survive.

" **He's planning something."** I said, nodding my head in the direction of Sams house.

" **It's been all hush hush since he kicked me out."** I deliberately misled.

Paul's smirk was huge. He immediately trotted off towards the house.

" **Oh come on! You guys have got to go easy on me. I'm only new to all this!"** I pleaded, trying to keep him distracted enough that he wont be listrning close enough to what is really happening inside the house.

I quickly spun around and faced the others.

" _RUN!"_ I mouthed before taking off.  
They caught on quick and trailed after me. We barely had a chance before we heard Emily scream and Sam growl at the top of his lungs.

" **GET OUT!"**

Everyone laughed and picked up the pace, all a little scared of Sam's wrath.  
Jake took the lead and directed us towards his house. Leah and Seth yelled goodbye, heading home. I paused as Leah placed her hand on her chest, giving me a warm smile. She was happy that I was ok, that I was still here. I mouthed a thankyou and she was gone.

My mind drifted a little and I slowed to a jog. I wonder if they were all staying in human form because of me? Is this normal? Do they usually run as wolves? Does it feel different to them? They slowed down because I did, but Jake is leading, that doesn't make sense. Do they realise that we are running in formation or does that just happen? Do they like being a wolf or a human more? Do they howl at the moon?  
That last one made me giggle.

We were just nearing the house when Paul caught up to us, looking very annoyed.

" **Amazing Bella! Who knew you had it in you? You are the devil in disguise!"** Quil laughed as we slowed to a walk left the cover of the forest treeline.

Paul scoffed.

" **Only now she's lost the disguise."** He sneered, pushing me as he passed, heading off down the road.

" **Honestly, why can't you two just get along?"** Jarred asked, shaking his head.

" **He just loves me too much."** I laughed, hearing Paul growl from down the road.

" **Alright, back to patrolling for me. Anyone want to come for a real run?"** he asked before quickly sprinting back into the forest and disappearing from sight. Quil shoved Embry hard, sprinting after Jarred with Embry spwiftly recovering and taking chase.

I smiled at the sensation of them shifting in my mind. It felt good to be able to feel them. I'll always know that they are safe.

That just left Jake and I. He didn't move to cross the road, making me hesitate and notice his slumped posture. He looked conflicted.  
He has been unusually quiet since…. Well I guess since my change.

Oh.

Maybe he doesn't want to be my friend anymore.

" **Jake?"**

He turned towards me but didn't meet my eyes.

" **Bells. I'm so sorry. I'm no better than** _ **him**_ **."** He admitted.

" **I Never wanted you to go. It killed me to treat you like that. You must hate me."**

" **I don't hate you Jake, I never could. You're my best friend. Can you handle me being like this? Do you think things could still be like it was for us?"**

" **Are you kidding?!"**

I laughed as he grabbed me, spun me around and hugged me tight.

" **Bells, I'll never let anything hurt our friendship ever again. I'll be by your side for the rest of my life. I love you honey."**

I smiled, laid my head on Jake's shoulder and soaked in his warm embrace.

Everything suddenly felt so perfect, so right.

 _Almost._


	7. Chapter Seven - Charlie

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Seven – Charlie**_

* * *

I waved at Jake as he dissappeared into the forest. Apparently Billy had gone to watch the game with Harry, so I had Jake's house to myself to shower and clean up.

We'd both laughed when we had stopped hugging. I'd gotten blood all over Jake's chest. He shrugged it off and told me he'd be back with some fresh clothes for me soon. I suspected that he'd find a river on the way and clean off the blood there.

I looked down at myself quickly deciding to head inside, it would be hard to explain if anyone saw me in these torn, bloody clothes.

I was more careful with this door than the last one. The reminder to fix it was still in the back of my now vast and complex mind. I wondered through the main area of the house taking it all in with new eyes. Everything looked familiar but new at the same time. My gaze lingered on a painting that hung proudly on a wall near the door.

I'd always thought it was nice and only after finding out about the boys being wolf shifters, realised its significance. I'd mistaken the wolf as Jacob at the time, it's amazing how much he looks like his great-grandfather.

I didn't even realize how long I was staring at it, my eyes tracing over every perfect brush stroke that made up the magestic copper wolf standing tall on a rock ledge overlooking the forest. It wasn't long before the smell of stale blood reminded me of the task at hand and I made my way to the bathroom.

What little that was left of my clothes tore as I went to take them off. Making note to be very gentle when I get redressed I shredded everything else, slightly amazed at how little resistance they gave. I slid into the shower and turned the hot water on, holding my hand under the stream of water waiting for it to warm up.

The water went warm but it wasn't getting hot enough, at first I thought something was wrong.

I wanted to smack myself.

Its not the water its me. Vamp-wolf. I wont ever get too hot or too cold again. I slid under the boiling hot water that to me now felt only warm. The room filled with steam as my body relaxed under the cascade of water.

I watched the water run red with blood and my thoughts quickly turned dark. No more numb anymore. My mind will always be sharp. I'll never truly be able to cry again. The blade will break against my skin.

My hand instintively skimmed over my other forearm and I froze in shock.

No. _My scars_ ….

I found myself kneeling on the shower floor, grasping at my arm, feeling more wounded now than I had before my vampire change had healed my skin, removing all the scars.

Vemon tears that would never fall filled my eyes and I creid, gasping for air as I felt panic setting in. My only connection.  
My only reminder of him, that any of it was real.. was gone.

" _ **It will be as if I never exsisted."**_ His voice echoed in my mind.

I wanted to scream but I could barely breathe.

Desperately dragging in air, my throat burned and I wrapped my arms around myself. I sobbed and sobbed. Even my new vampire mind couldn't keep track of time. This was it. I was truly losing it. My body couldn't die from this but my mind and my soul could.

I could feel, more than I ever had before, the gaping hole in my chest. As though someone had reached inside me and ripped out my insides. Leaving nothing but pain and emptiness.

My breathing slowed eventually. There was no numbness but a slight sense of calm trickled in.

I took several deep breaths.

My throat continued to burn but my mind cleared, focusing on the loud beating of a heart. How had I not noticed that sooner? It was very loud. I don't think that I'm making a very good vampire.

I sighed and turned the water off, stepping out of the shower. This steam is really annoying. Why is it hurting my throat? I held my breath to try and stop the burning and it worked pretty well. I waited for the tightness in my chest and the screaming of my lungs, desperate for air but it never came.  
I shook my head in irritation.

 _Honestly Bella_.  
You really need to get this whole vampire thing to sink in.

I started to dry myself, getting a little irritated by how loud Jake's heartbeat and breathing were. He must be _right_ outside the door.

" **Honestly Jake, you don't have to stand** _ **right**_ **outside the door."**

His heartbeat became faster but he didn't reply.

" **I know you're there Jake, I can hear your heartbeat like drums. I'd probably still hear it if you were across the street. You don't need to hound me."** I scoffed, using the last of my air.

I would need to start breathing again to refil on air if I wanted to speak again. It felt weird, not breathing. Uncomfortable. But it stopped my throat from burning.

I focused on Jake while drying my body. His heart actually sounded not quite right. Like it was struggling. His breathing was laboured too. What was wrong with him?

Without thinking I opened the door and took a breath to ask him what was wrong.

Oh shit.

" **Charlie?"**


	8. Chapter Eight - Mythical Beings

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Eight – Mythical Beings**_

* * *

My new and improved mind replayed everything that I had said, everything that Charlie will have heard and was now seeing. The crying. The comments about my new hearing. My new voice. My vampire white skin. My red eyes….

" **Char-dad, what are you doing here?"**

My throat burned as his eyes scanned my face, taking in all the changes. Probably trying to add up all the differences and make sense of it. I could hear heavy footsteps coming towards the house.  
Now Jake shows up.  
A little late Jake.

" **Bella I… I heard you crying. I-"**

I groaned.

" **Come on dad, you know I don't like to talk about that."** I whined.  
With all the crying and the screaming from nightmares, Charlie had learned not to ask. I never wanted to talk about it and he never knew what to say.

I heard the door as it was nearly yanked of its hinges and I could smell Jake before I could see him.

" **You sounded so…"**

" **Charlie!"** Jake exclaimed, making Charlie shake off the embarrassment and discomfort of our conversation.

His eyes hardened.

" **Are you looking for dad? He's watching the game at Harry's."** Jacob said, trying to get Charlie to leave.

" **No. I know where he is. That's why I came here. No one would give me a straight answer. I'm not stupid kid."** He snapped at Jacob.

His angry eyes leaving Jacob and settling on me.

" **You haven't been home for more than a week! You haven't called. You've missed school. I'm not blind, I can see you're different but you seem… well. Healthy. What has happened Bells? What is going on? Are you ok? Is it Sam and his friends?"**

" **Charlie."** I tried to interrupt.

" **I thought they'd been helping you."**

" **Charlie."**

" **But if I need to get you away just tell me and I'll-"**

" **DAD!"**

He finally stopped talking. What the hell do I do now? Did anyone have a plan about all this. About my life after the change? I definitely couldn't fake my death now. It wouldn't matter what anyone said to Charlie now. He'd never belive it. He'd never give up trying to find me.

Damn. This is just too much to deal with. I only just woke up a few hours ago.

What an eventful first day.

I sighed.

I'll have to get Sam and the elders.

" **Dad,"** I refocused on him.

He looked weird. Dazed. Not angry anymore. Just kind of lost.

" **Dad."**

He looked at me but almost through me.

" **Can you wait in the lounge please?"** I asked, a little confused.

" **Yes."** He said and turned around, walking away down the hall.

That was highly unusual. I looked to Jake and he was trying not to laugh.

" **What the hell was that?"** I questioned.

He obviously noticed it too.

" **It's your scent. It overwhelms the senses. Part vampire lure but something more earthy and well… you. To me it screams sex and candy."** He explained, licking his lips.

" **To Charlie I'm sure it is a little different but you get the idea."**

Hmmm… A lure. That could be useful. Interesting.

" **How did I do it? Was he standing to close or something?"** I asked.

Jake sniffed the air.

" **It's not too strong at the moment. I think you breathed in his face. You sighed."**

Oh, well yeah, I basically shoved it down his throat then. At least I'll never have to worry about bad breath again. I giggled.

A cheeky thought crossed my mind. I looked through my lashes at Jake, trying to look sweet and innocent.

" **Hey Jake."** I called stepping close to him and deliberately fanning my breath over his face.

He instintively breathed. I noticed his body clearly relax and his face go blank like Charlie's had.  
Yes! It worked!

" **Bella."** He moaned, his free hand trailing up the bare skin of my arm.

Oh ok. That's different. Um, how the hell do I wake him back up? I pushed his hand away and snapped at him.

" **JACOB BLACK!"**

His eyes widened comically then he slumped, his head down, looking ashamed.

" **I'm sorry. Here."** He said, handing me a bag and quickly making his way down the hallway.

I could hear him muttering under his breath and rolled my eyes.

" _ **Hardly my fault. Half naked, dripping wet and that smell…"**_

I guess I better be careful who I breathe on. I turned and went the opposite way down the hall. Stepping inside Jake's room, I looked around. It looked strangly unlived in.

He obviously slept here, the bed was still unmade. But it really seemed like that was it.  
The desk had dust on it, probably never used for studying. The TV wasn't even plugged in. I suspected, well, it was an educated guess, that the garage was more 'his space' than this room was.

Sighing, I turned around and gasped, jumping back slightly.

At first I thought for sure that someone was standing there looking at me but the fact that the back of the door clearly had a mirror on it told me I was looking at myself.

My eyes were the biggest shock, I'd been expecting red.  
All new vampires have them.  
I stepped closer.

Mine were different. Somewhere between the dark muddy brown of my human eyes and the light golden eyes of the Cullens.  
And yet, they were so much more.

They looked… _wilder_.  
They drew me in.

Slowly, I looked away from my eyes and took in the rest of my body.  
I looked fuller.  
I had not been eating well since… anyway, I started to fade away. I actually looked healthy again. Strong too. My eyes could make out the muscles under my skin. I looked fit and healthy and – are my…?

I dropped the towel. Wow.

My boobs were a litlle bigger. My hips too. Not _too_ much.  
I just looked properly proportioned now.  
I had a womans body.

The breeze from the window made my hair move. It tickled my lower back. That had changed too. It was at least two inches longer.

My eyes roamed over my body and started to fill with venom tears.  
I was beautiful.

But what use is that to me now?  
He wasn't here.  
He didn't want me.  
He never would.

I snifled, shoving the thoughts of him back to the dark corner of my mind.

" **Bella?"** I heard Jake call softly from the kitchen.

" **I'm fine Jake."** I called back without thinking.

" **What the hell is going on here?"** Charlie muttered under his breath.

Oops.

That one was Jake's fault. The scent of Charlie's frustration and the burn of my throat brought me back to the task at hand.

I quickly opened my bag of clothes, spilling them out onto the bed. There was a small note in with the clothes, I picked it up.

 _[Didn't know what you would want  
Just grabbed a few things  
My favourites] _

Oh god!  
I covered my face in my hands.

He'd grabbed a pair of my sexiest underwear. Black and lacy.  
I normally just wear plain and cotton.

Oh! _Score_. No more blushing for me.

That made me smile.

They were a little small now but they'd have to do. I pulled all of my clothes on slowly and carefully. The tight blue jeans fit better than they ever had. I paired that with a black t-shirt, the grey zip up jacket that Emily had given me with an outline of a wolf in rhinestones on the back and simple black flats. I felt good.

Grabbing a hair tie out of the side pocket of the bag, I tied my hair up in a bun and made my way out to Jake. I felt Charlie's eyes on me as I walked over to the kitchen and lent on the wall. Jake's head was in the cupboard.

That boy never stops eating.  
Poor Billy.

He pulled back and looked over to me.

" **Well? What do you think?"** he asked expectantly, eyeing me up and down.

I smiled and rolled my eyes. He is such a dork.  
Cautious of Charlie's eavesdropping this time, I shrugged.

" **It all looks pretty good."**

Jake scoffed obviously unimpressed with my answer. He crossed his arms and his tone became more serious.

" **And how are you feeling?"** he hedged, nodding towards Charlie.

Yeah, because talking in code won't make Charlie suspicious at all….

My throat was still burning from Charlie's scent but I didn't feel like I was going to lose control. I'd never hurt anyone.

" **I'm a bit thirsty but it can wait."**

Jake seemed to trust my judgement. He smiled, back to his happy self and threw an apple to me.

" **Try this."**

I caught it without thought and internally cheered.  
Goodbye clumsy human Bella

Suddenly I felt something about the atmosphere change.  
I couldn't say what or why exactly but I could feel something weird in the air.  
It must be one of those things, like emotions having smells.

My eyes went to Jake leaning casually against the cupboard door.  
It was him. There was something iffy about the nonchalant stance he had going on.  
I eyed him wirily, trying to work him out.

He was watching me, distinctively trying not to be obvious.

I assume because of the apple, he must be curious although he looked worried. I know it'll be my first time eating but what does he think will go wrong? Was he expecting me to throw up or something?

Trying food as a vampire should be a disaster but being half wolf, my hopes high that it won't taste like dirt.

It will be interesting to find out for sure but that's no reason for Jake to go all weird on me. If anything I'd expect him to be excited about it.

I sighed when it clicked.

Boys and their crazy need to put bets on everything… They are so competitive.

" **What have you got your money on Jake?"** I asked pointedly, the accusation clear in my tone.

" **Yes or No?"**

He just smiled and winked at me.

Whatever.

Not wanting to give him the pleasure, I held onto the apple and headed towards the door.

" **Call your dad and Harry. I'll get Sam."** I said quickly and quietly, making sure Charlie wouldn't hear.

I glanced over to him on the couch as I reached for the handle. He looked ready to jump up and follow me out of the door and not in the slightest bit embarrassed to have been caught watching us like a hawk.

" **I just have to step outside for a minute dad. I promise I'll be back in a minute."**

He didn't get a chance to argue as I shut the door and strolled across the road, into the forest. I closed my eyes and tried to feel for wolves in my mind.

Bingo!

Jarred and Quil. I listened to their thoughts.

" _No Quil. It's impossible!"_

Jarred seemed frustrated.

" _Why? We exist. How can you be sure?"_

I couldn't help but be curious. Jarred stopped running, sat on his hind legs and huffed.

" _I'm sure that if there were mermaids and fairies in real life, we would know. Not to mention that if 'dragons' were real, the entire world would know."_

Really? _That_ is what they talk about? Honestly.

" _Hey guys!"_ I thought, scaring the shit out of them.

" _Holy Shit Bella! Are you trying to kill us?"_ Quil complained.

" _Sorry."_ Kinda _"I just need to call Sam, didn't want to freak you out when I howled."_

I took a bite out of the apple and chewed.

" _Why, what's up? Is something wrong?"_

I swallowed and mentally cheered.

It tasted good.

I quickly ate the rest of the apple, pleased that thanks to the mind connection I could talk and eat at the same time. Useful.

" _Just a small issue with my dad but don't you guys worry. You just continue your enthralling discussion on the existence of mythical beings."_ I teased.

Jarred groaned and took off, trying to put some distance between himself and Quil.

Not that it would help any.

" _But wait! What happened with Charlie?! And it's totally possible! Well, maybe not dragons but other things…"_

I just rolled my eyes.


	9. Chapter Nine - Alpha Order

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Nine – Alpha Order**_

* * *

I threw the apple core away and focused on becoming a wolf. Warmth spread through my body and I rolled my shoulders. I smiled and flexed my snow white paws in the grass.

" _Bella? Damn it Bella, that's not fair. I wish_ we _could choose what to share like that."_ Quil complained.

" _That's not what I'm worried about."_ Jarred thought seriously.

" _Now that she's on level footing, can you imagine the pranks she'll pull? She was trouble enough as a human, now..."_ He trailed off with a shiver.

That's right boys.  
Be afraid.  
Be very afraid…

" _Oh shit, she's going to be such a bitch to live with now."_

" _GUYS!"_ I thought-yelled, scaring the shit out of them again.

Quil was nearly hyperventilating, Jarred's heart was racing but he was laughing.

" _Stop talking shit about me and get back to patrolling will you."_

Jarred was still laughing when he ran up to Quil who was panting, still trying to calm down.

" _See? What did I tell you?"_ Jarred asked as he used his head to push Quil.

" _Come on buddy, run it off."_

I watched through their eyes for a few minutes.

" _Do you think she is still listening?"_ Quil thought-whispered.

Honestly, he must have been dropped on his head as a baby.

" _Just shut up and run will you? You've already called her a bitch. Let it go!"_ Jarred advised.

" _Well she is technically a female dog-"  
_

I howled loudly and then sighed in contentment. Damn that felt good.  
It only took thirty seconds and I felt Sam shift.

" _Who was that? What's wrong? I couldn't pick the voice."_ He rushed out, already sprinting towards Jarred and Quil.

" _Don't bother running to the boarder Sam, Its was me. I need you to come to Jake's please."_

Annoyance coloured his mind and is thoughts showed me that I had interrupted him and Emily again. He emphasised 'again' as he changed directions heading towards me. The last thing I saw was a very satisfied looking Emily and the frustrated feeling of Sam not getting his yet, before the thoughts of Jarred and Quil took over, filling Sam in. Once he had seen Jarred, Quil and my conversation his thoughts turned towards me with a feeling of expectancy.

It felt strange, feeling someone else's feelings.  
I wonder what would happen if one of the others got hurt.  
Would I think that it was happening to me?

Frustration leaked into my mind. Sam was waiting.

" _Sorry. Lost in thought. If one of us gets hurt, do we all feel it?"_ I asked.

Because that could be a real issue. Dangerous even, in a fight.

" _Yes. We feel it too. Its not the same though."_ Sam continued, understanding where my thoughts were heading.

" _We can differentiate between our pain and a brother's pain. I still hurts but our minds can work around it."  
"Now, Charlie?" _he questioned as he came into the clearing where i was waiting.

" _I think we need to tell him about me."_

I breathed deeply and closed my eyes, letting Sam see my memories about what Charlie had seen and heard earlier. Being as brief as I could on the episode I had in the shower.

Little good it did though, their responses were instant.

Unprepared for the pain, Quil and Jarred collapsed to the ground, whimpering and gasping for air. Sam grunted, his mind immediately fighting the feelings that didn't belong to him.  
He couldn't stop the fear he felt that something had happened to Emily to cause the pain though.  
Already knowing that losing her was the only thing that could make him hurt that way.

He recognised what the pain meant.

" _Bella… we all knew… I suspected… but… I could never have grasped how bad, how much…"_

I felt instantly exposed and wanted to take it all back. I didn't want them to know. I felt lost and vulnerable and I hated it. Hated being open like that. I didn't want pity. I don't want anything.

" _I don't want to talk about it. Forget it."_ I snapped.

I could feel an echo of the emptiness inside me from the others but Sam mercifully brought our attention back to Charlie by replaying each odd thing Charlie would have witnessed not long ago. His instincts were telling him not to break the secret. It is a rule to keep everyone safe. He had to keep everyone safe. That's what he was made for.

" _I don't think that is a good idea."_ He finally thought to me.

I half listened as his mind ran through different ideas and plans.  
I don't want to lie to Charlie. I don't think I could.

He's not stupid. He'd see straight through any lie we tell him.  
Even if he was safer kept in the dark…

A horrible feeling flooded me.

This was exactly what Ed- _what_ _he_ would do to me.  
Lies, half truths or simply nothing at all.  
He'd make the decision because he felt I was just a weak human that couldn't handle it.  
If he thought he was protecting me, my feelings didn't matter.

I don't want to do that to Charlie.  
He deserves to know.  
He deserves to be able to make his own choices.

" _Bella."_ Sam called to gain back my attention.

" _You will not tell him. He'll be safer not being involved."_

I could feel that Sam truly did want what was best but I think he is wrong this time.

" _Safer or not, I don't want to lie to him. He'd never say anything to anyone Sam. You know he wouldn't."_

Sam sighed.

" _I'm sorry, I know it'll be hard but we must keep the secret.  
_ _ **You will not tell your father**_ _."_

I gasped as I felt a strange pull from his words. Memories flashed through Quil and Jarred's minds, who had been silently listening in. Two words and a choking, binding sensation were all I could make sense of. 'Alpha Order'

Jake had told me about this.  
The alpha of the pack could enforce certain orders.  
They literally had to obey. They didn't have a choice.

Jake said it was different with him though. That the words couldn't take hold of him completely. That he could fight them if he really tried.

He assumed that it was because he was the true alpha by birthright.

He didn't like to dwell on it though.

My decision firmed as concern of having my choices taken away from me again grew. I would make sure Charlie has his choice.  
Even the thought of telling Charlie caused my throat to constrict.

My blood is Jake's blood.  
My blood is alpha blood.

" _I will not have my choices taken from me ever again!"_ I growled and pushed hard against Sam's binding orders.

A burst of energy came from me that spread out and away.  
The grass rippled but not from the wind.  
Sam felt what his mind registered as power.

It might have been my shield, it might have been my blood, either way I did not feel bound anymore.

Relief was my first thought.  
Annoyance was my second.

My eyes snapped to Sam, probably holding more hostility than necessary but I couldn't help it.

" _Your words have no hold on me Sam. Alpha blood runs through my body, not yours. Never try to take my choices away from me again."_

I took a deep breath and let my wolf body slip away.

I thought about the sensations in my body for a minute and realised that I felt just as comfortable in my wolf form as I did in my human form.

Weird.

I opened my eyes to find Sam staring at me. It only took a few seconds for me to realise something was wrong. He looked frozen.

I waved my hand in front of his face but he didn't even blink.

" **Um, Sam?"**

Nothing.

" **Sam?"** I questioned again, softly tapping his snout.

His mouth opened and his tongue licked my hand. He moaned and I could smell his lust.

Shocked, I reacted instinctively, yelling and shoving him backwards with my shield.

" **SAM! What the hell?!"**

I watched him shake his head and get back on his feet.  
I suppose I shouldn't have pushed him so hard.  
I couldn't help but feel wrong. The thought of Sam wanting me….

I quickly looked away rolling my eyes as Sam burst into an apology the second he shifted as he fumbled to redress.

" **I'm so sorry Bella, I don't know what happened. I don't see you that way. I didn't mean to … I don't know what happened."** He rambled on, clearly upset and a little freaked out.

" **I mean, you're gorgeous of course and sweet but- I just- you're like a little sister to me. I've never thought of you…."**

It only took a second for me to realise that Sam must have been affected by my lure. Just like Jake had. This could actually cause trouble if its strong enough even at this distance to affect Sam, who thinks of me as a little sister.

" **Sexually?"** I offered teasingly.

I felt instantly better knowing he wasn't really attracted to me.

That would have been awkward.

" **I'm really sorry."** He said with a blush.

" **Hey it's fine, I understand. It happened with Jake earlier too. He said it was my scent."**

Sam shuffled his feet. He looked uncomfortable.

" **It's kind of different Bells. Jake has had a crush on you since forever. I'm a happily taken man."**

If I could blush I would have. Poor Jake. When will he accept that I'm a lost cause. He's too good.

" **So, lets hear your plan about Charlie then. Since I'm not stupid enough to think I have a chance at changing your mind on this. But for the record this is a dangerous situation. Protecting the tribe is our most important priority.**

 **You are one of us now and this is _your_ responsibility too now."**

" **I know. I will."** I said seriously, before starting off in the direction to Jake's house.

I felt the weight of that promise but it was comforting. Like suddenly I had a home. An urge to wrap La push up in a big shield and protect it from the rest of the world made me smile.

" **Oh but I don't have a plan with Charlie."**

Sam's step faltered briefly.

He eyed me suspiciously before continuing.

" **Great."** He muttered, rolling his eyes.

We jogged in silence for a few minutes. The closer we got the more nervous I became.

Charlie was smart but simple. I was about to turn his world upside down.

He would want to know, to have choices but this will be so much over his head…

I was worried.  
What if he doesn't want to see me ever again?  
What if he was scared of me?

" **Ok."**

Sam's voice interrupted my thoughts.

" **We'll play this by ear. It'll all depend on how Charlie reacts. He might only want to know the basics. He might want it all."**

" **And he might want nothing to do with me anymore.  
But I know he wont say anything to anyone no matter what he decides." **I promised.

We stopped at the truck which Bill and Harry were just getting out of. Sam helped Billy and as soon as he was in his chair he faced me.

" **I think you are underestimating just how much Charlie loves you Bella."** He said knowingly.

I couldn't help but hope. I smiled at Jake as I followed the others inside.


	10. Chapter Ten - Vampires and Werewolves

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Ten – Werewolves and Vampires**_

* * *

" **What is going on?! Why are you all here?"** Charlie snapped.

I stood beside Jake just inside the lounge room door.  
Harry was in the single armchair, Billy pulled his wheelchair beside Harry and Sam stood beside Billy.

" **Charlie, what we are about to tell you is going to be hard to hear but please just wait for all the information before you make any decisions."**

Billy's voice was serious and slightly sad.  
Maybe he was worried about losing his friend like I was about losing my father.

" **You don't live in the world you think you do Charlie."** Sam warned.

Way to sound creepy and mysterious Sam.  
Charlie's eye hardened and never left Sam even as Billy continued.

" **This world is more dangerous than you know, more complicated and even more wondrous…"**

Billy's eyes sparkled and he was quiet for a minute, he seemed to be remembering something.

Charlie sighed and looked at Billy.

" **This isn't about your tribal legends is it? Wolf spirits and cold people? They are just stories Billy."**

Wow. Charlie knows the legends?

" **Werewolves."** Sam stated.

" **And they are not just legends Charlie. They're true. They exist."**

Charlie coughed a laugh.

" **Oh really. Met one of these werewolves have you?"  
**

Not kidding dad.  
Jake and I gave each other a knowing look.

Sam was about to let the wolf out of the bag.

Sam squared his shoulders.

" **I am one."**

No one moved. We all watched Charlie. He eyed Sam and Sam held his gaze.

I saw the small twitch of Charlie's hand that he had rested on his gun and so did Sam and Jake obviously, because they tensed.

" **I think he wants to shoot you Sam."** I snickered.

Charlie's hand twitched again when Sam shifted his weight, readying himself.

Men. Honestly.

" **Easy for you to laugh Bella, we're not all bulletproof here."** Sam snapped.

" **This was your idea,** _ **do something**_ **."** He growled at me, stepping slightly in front of Billy, ready to shield him if necessary.

" **Don't you speak to her like that!"** Charlie lashed out, drawing his gun.

By the time Sam had sucked in an gasp and crouched ready, I had already sprinted over, grabbed the gun from Charlie's hand and returned to where I had just been standing.

Feeling rather smug I giggled as everyone looked around trying to work out what had just happened only to see the gun now laid out on the hall table near me unloaded, the bullets sitting in a neat row beside the empty clip.

No wonder they liked to show off. I couldn't stop the cocky grin off my face.

Oh boys… you are so in for it now…

" **Holy shit…"** Jake whispered.

He looked to Sam, his eyes wide.

" **I barely saw her move."**

Everything was quiet for a few minutes.  
Sam had straightened up and Jake was smiling smugly, like he was proud of me.  
Charlie just stared blankly at his empty hinds. His eyes started changing between Sam and the gun.  
He must assume that Sam had taken the gun even when his mind could not comprehend how.

Please… Sam is not even the fastest in the pack.

" **Bells."** He finally called.

" **Can you please come sit beside me?"**

I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped. I was definitely the most dangerous thing here, not Sam.

" **Sam wont hurt you dad."** I promised.

His eyes were like daggers now at Sam.  
Poor Sam, he hasn't done anything wrong.

" **Bella,"** he said in a stern voice.

" **I'd feel much better if you sat over here with me."**

I was temped to roll my eyes but Charlie's fast beating heart had me worried.  
I slowly walked over and sat beside Charlie. His body was tense, as if he was ready to jump in front of me to shield me.

The irony was not lost on me.

I closed my eyes and used my mind to see.  
There was a faint blueish outline of my shield standing out from the blackness. I could see my hands as they sat on my lap.

I reached out with a shield, my eyes still closed and when I felt Charlie I wrapped him up completely. The moment he was safe inside my shield I could feel him. Like a bright spark. His essence. Safe under my shield.

I stretched further. I could see it all as my shield covered everything in the room. It was like having a black and blue picture of my surroundings. I enjoyed the feelings of the new sparks as I surrounded each person in their own shield. I pulled back the shield exploring the room until there was only shields covering each of the six of us.

I sighed in contentment, feeling…. knowing that I could keep them all safe.

And I knew with everything in me that I would.  
Nothing would ever hurt my family again.

" **So, werewolves?"** Charlie prompted unaware of the shield that now covered him from head to toe.

" **Not as scary as it sounds Charlie. Basically horse sized dogs."** Jacob offered.

Charlie looked at Jake in shock.

" **You too?"**

Billy cleared his throat, obviously deciding that an explanation would be best coming from him.

" **There are several of the tribes young ones that have made the change. Sam leads them in protecting us all."**

How does he always manage to sound so wise?

" **Sam."** Charlie mumbled, like he was throwing the idea around in his head.

He looked to me.

" **Sam's gang?"**

Oh. Right. I had told him about 'Sam and his gang' harassing Jake. That was before I knew.

" **Not a gang. A pack.  
We didn't know back then.  
That was before Jake had made the change.  
They knew he was close to changing, that's why they were watching him."**

We all waited for things to sink in, not wanting to make this any harder for Charlie than it already was.  
I didn't want to think about how the next part of this conversation was going to go.  
The vampire part.

" **Horse sized…** _ **the bear sightings**_ **? The descriptions never made sense. Was that you?"** He asked Sam.

He seemed annoyed. If only I could read Charlie's mind.  
I tensed at the direction my mind immediately turned.  
I tried not to think on anything too clearly.  
I'm sure he would be brought up soon enough anyway.  
No need to torture myself even more.

" **Being a part of the supernatural world, secrecy is of the upmost importance but sometimes with new and young wolves, mistakes are made."** Sam explained.

I remember the last one was Quil.  
He had gotten quite the lecture after he snuck up on that couple and got seen.

Serves him right for interrupting their alone time.

Perve.

" **Mistakes?! People have been killed! That's a bit more than a mistake son."** Charlie snapped.

I wanted to laugh but it was obviously not an appropriate time.  
That was just what I had thought when I first found out.  
Werewolves have been given such a bad name.

Jacob did laugh.  
When Charlie and Sam glanced unhappily over to him he just smiled at me.

" **Like father, like daughter."**

He turned his attention back to Charlie.

" **Bells said the same thing to me when I told her. We don't hurt people Charlie. We protect them."**

" **Remember the legends Charlie."** Harry encouraged.

Charlie's face scrunched up as he was thinking. It made him look weary. I'd never really noticed that before.

" **Cold people. Killers."** He mumbled.

" **Vampires."**

Sam's voice had sounded so creepy then.

Maybe vampires had gotten a bad rep too.  
Red hair and an evil snarl, flashed though my mind and I shivered.

Maybe not.

" **Oh."**

Yes Charlie. Oh.

" **What do they look like? Creepy? Fangs? Scared of the sun?"** Charlie asked.

He wasn't making jokes which was a good sign. He seemed to have his police pants on. Asking questions.

Sam went to speak but Billy held a hand up to stop him.  
Billy sighed and glanced at Harry.  
I could smell how nervous he was.  
It made me feel edgy, worried what he was about to say.

" **Before we go any further Charlie I just need you to understand."**

No one missed how he glanced at me, his hands fidgeting on his lap. Oh oh.

" **We- I, I tried everything I could to keep her safe. I threatened. I pleaded. I was even ready to brake our laws and expose them. It didn't work though, she nearly bit my head of herself defending them, she already knew."**

He smiled at me apologetically.

I was never angry with him.  
I knew he was just trying to protect me.

Protect Charlie.

He was just wrong about them.

He didn't know them.

" **What do you mean? Bella what is he going on about?"**

Sam mercifully stepped forward.

" **Vampires are… physically attractive to humans. Flawlessly beautiful."**

Jake scoffed at that.

" **They have a draw about them. Hard to resist. They are cold and pale. They can come out during the day but you'll never see them in the direct sunlight. It's the eyes that really give them away though. As far as we know there are only two different eye colours of vampires, Red or-"**

" **Gold."**

He knew.

I braced myself for it.

" **That is why you hated them. I never understood how you could hate them so strongly."**

Well, he seems calm.

" **Yes Charlie. The Cullen's were different than the rest though."**

" **Different."** Charlie scoffed.

His hands gripped his hair as he lent forward, resting his elbows on his knees, breathing deeply. Shit.

" **Please tell me this is all a big joke on me. It has to be."** He mumbled desperately.

Sorry Dad.

" **I'm sorry Charlie."** Harry said sadly.

Charlie's head snapped up fast, anger clear on his face and in his voice.

" **Sorry?! You're sorry?! You should have said something! Done something! I defended them! I let them in my house! My daughter-"**

He clenched his teeth.  
Slowly his hand reached out and linked with mine in my lap.

" **My daughter was in danger and you said nothing!"**

I could smell shame and sadness and loss. Billy's head was down, Harry although still looking at Charlie was crestfallen.

It wasn't their fault.

" **Dad I-"**

" **I don't care about the rules, we've been friends since we were kids. If it was yours kids I would have-…."**

Charlie swallowed, clearly not able to finish the thought.

" **The Cullen's aren't like that Dad. They're good people. They don't hunt humans only animals.  
Esme is the sweetest, kindest person and Carlisle is a doctor Dad, he saves lives every day!"**

" **They are gone now right?"** He asked Sam.

" **Dad, I wasn't-"**

" **What can I do if they come back? Guns? Stakes? Garlic?"**

He wasn't listening. He kept firing off questions not even stopping to let anyone answer.

I sighed.

Oh well. I guess now is as good as ever.

I drew back the shields from our hands and instantly felt Charlie's warm hands flinch from the cold of mine.

He looked confusedly at our hands, then my face and then _my eyes_.


	11. Chapter Eleven - Puppy

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Eleven – Puppy**_

* * *

.

" **Gold eyes. Beautiful. Pale.** _ **Cold**_ **…"**

Charlie's voice was a shocked whisper.

Here it comes. He'll be terrified of me now.  
I slowly moved away, walking over to Jake, his warm arms instantly wrapping around me as I buried my face in his chest.

This was it.

" **What does this mean? How did this happen?"** Charlie asked in disbelief.

I heard Harry and Billy gulp.  
I can only imagine what Charlie's reaction would have been if the boys hadn't of cleaned up Charlie's house after the attack.  
I shivered at the thought.

" **Vampires are venomous. If they bite a human and the venom gets a chance to spread the human will change."** Sam explained.

I heard Charlie let out a puff of breath, as if the wind had been knocked out of him.

" **How?** _ **Who?**_ **"** he asked hopelessly.

" **Maybe its best that you don't-"**

I felt Jake square his shoulders and clear his throat, interrupting Sam.

" **When the Cullen's left Charlie, they left behind an enemy of sorts. A red-headed female vampire. We have been trying to get her for months. We didn't realise who she was after until Bella got in on the secret. We tried to keep Bella with us as much as possible so that we could protect her but last Saturday Bella and I were in your house. She came out of nowhere, got me before I could do anything. I was badly hurt, she was… hurting Bella. Biting her. If it wasn't for Sam neither of us would be here today."**

Wow.  
The weight of that sunk in.  
I owed Sam everything. _We_ owed Sam everything.

" **There was blood everywhere and somehow between my blood and the venom, Bella became…"**

Jake's arms squeezed me tight and I felt his lips press against the top of my head.

" **Something unique."** Billy finished, finding the words that Jake couldn't.

" **I don't understand."** Charlie said in a strangely detached tone.

I knew that tone. I should, I'd heard it in my own voice enough.

In my mind I could imagine the look on his face, a blank stare….

He was going numb.

" **Bella is part vampire Charlie, but part werewolf as well."** Sam explained.

" **I don't… I can't…"**

I'm sorry Charlie.

" **Bella doesn't want to lose you Charlie. But if you can't accept all of this-"**

" **You don't want to finish that sentence son."** Charlie warned, sounding slightly more like his normal self.

I wanted to turn around, I wanted to see him and reassure him that I was still me and that all this crazy mess was really a good thing.

I just couldn't.

" **Bella honey?"**

His tone was soft. I felt this strange sense of familiarity. I could almost make out the blurry memory of Charlie as he held me in his arms as a child.

" _Bella honey? What's wrong baby girl?_

" _Daddy…"_

Breathing heavy and trying to blink away tears, I became aware of the silence in the room.  
Jake was staring down at me with a worried expression. I turned around, everyone was staring.

Charlie was standing now.

He looked… older somehow.

He was first to move.  
He held his arms out.

Hope burst inside me and I nearly dived at him.

Remembering my new speed and the disturbingly high risk of scaring the life out of my father, I slowly walked over and sunk into his hug.  
He smelt so good now that I was this close. Too familiar and comforting to think of as food.  
His arms tightened slightly and I felt his warm breath on the top of my head.

" **You will always be my little girl.** **Nothing in my world,"** He paused and in a very unlike Charlie move he pulled back and cupped my face with both hands, locking eyes with me.

" **Or in** _ **yours**_ **,  
** **could ever change that.  
** **I love you Bells."**

I couldn't help but smile as he kissed my forehead and tucked me back in his arms. Yeah, he can only handle so much of the mushy emotional stuff. I stayed still, contented in my father's arms, thinking of how much time I have missed out on with him.

" **This is all a lot to take in."** He said over my head.

I knew he was strong enough.  
Us Swans are good with weird.

" **Can I see? Just to help me wrap my head around it."**

Just what I wanted once I knew about the boys.  
Stepping back slightly so that I could see the room again, I couldn't help but snicker as Sam started to unbutton his pants.

" **Whoa son! What are you doing?"** Charlie said waving his hands frantically, turning his head and closing his eyes.

Doubt it will be the last time you see one of these guys naked now that you're in on the secret dad.

" **The actual shifting process can be quite explosive Charlie. Any clothes the boys are wearing get shredded and anything too close will get damaged."**

Charlie gasped, locking eyes with Sam, quick to make the connection with Emily's scars. It was only small but I saw the flash of pain in Sam's eyes. His hand shook slightly as Billy continued.

" **It's not as bad when we are in a calm situation like this. If they are angry they have less control. If you ever see one of the boys shaking uncontrollably please move away."**

Sam's eyes were closed and he was warring with himself. I quickly stepped in. Poor Sam. Will he ever forgive himself?

" **Sam wait. Dad how about I show you?"** I offered.

Charlie's eyes went impossibly wider as he turned on me.

" **Oh god, please tell me you haven't been getting undressed in front of these boys."**

Everyone laughed.

It did well to defuse the tense situation and I suppose that it would be the first thing a father would be concerned about.

" **No dad. I'm lucky, I don't need to get undressed, I'm special."** I said in an exaggeratedly stuck up tone.

Jake snickered and I couldn't help but join him.

" **Thank god!"**

I heard Charlie mumble.

I stepped back slightly not really worried about hurting anyone. They were safe in their shields and I knew my change would be smooth anyway.  
I closed my eyes and slowly let my body shift into my wolf form. I didn't want to open my eyes, too scared to see Charlie's reaction.

Was this too much for him?  
It was silent for a minute.  
It made me nervous.

" **Can she hear me?"** Charlie asked someone.

" **We have very advanced senses Charlie. She can hear you, your heartbeat, your lungs as they fill with air, she can hear the water in the pipes and the animals in the forest nearby."** Sam's voice had a smile in it again.

Thank god.  
My ears prickled as Charlie whistled.

" **I need some of you guys in my police force."**

Everyone chuckled and I cautiously opened my eyes.  
I stared at Charlie who was tilting his head to the side to look at me.  
He chuckled as my head mimicked his without thought.

" **Bells honey, please stop underestimating me. Did you think I'd be scared of you?"** He asked, stepping closer.

My head tilted again and I rolled my eyes at these stupid wolfy reflexes.

Charlie chuckled and shook his head.

" **You need to look in the mirror Bells, you're just a giant puppy dog."**

He held his hand out to me and I smooshed my face into it. I was so relieved.  
Charlie patted me on the head then scratched behind my ear. It felt really good which kinda freaked me out.  
Jake laughed knowingly.  
I'd asked him about it once.  
He said he couldn't explain why it felt so good, it just did.

Charlie sat down on the couch and with a smirk patted the seat beside him.  
Really? Like I'm some sort of pet. I rolled my eyes and huffed in irritation.

Jake laughed.

" **Not that fun on this side of the dog jokes now is it?**

I sat there as the others gave Charlie the rundown of the supernatural world.


	12. Chapter Twelve - Traitor

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Twelve – Traitor**_

* * *

Charlie was taking everything better than I expected.

" **So are the super senses are wolf thing or a…** _ **vampire**_ **thing?"**

Yeah so he still couldn't say werewolf or vampire without shuddering but all things considered he was doing well.

" **Both Charlie, we are both supernatural beings after all."**

" **Yeah but it's not just the senses Charlie, it's the abilities.**

 **You would not believe how good it feels to let loose and run through the forest. I could get to your house from here before you made it to the end of the road."** Jake gloated.

Sam rolled his eyes but couldn't hide his smirk.  
Charlie's eyes were wide but still slightly sceptical.

" **Really? You're all that fast?"**

" **Aside from Bella, wolves bet vampires when it comes to speed."** Jake said proudly, his chest slightly puffed out with a cocky smirk plastered on his face.

Sam cleared his throat giving Jake a stern look.

" **Yes we do seem to have the upper hand there but some vampires have… extra gifts. They can tip the odds."**

" **Extra gifts? What does that mean? What type of gifts?"**

Sam shared a concerned glace with Billy and shuffled uncomfortably.

" **Well, mind reading is one."** Sam said in a quiet voice, quite reluctantly.

I groaned without thinking and everyone looked at me.  
I covered my face with my paws and dug a little further against Charlie's leg, as if I could hide while my wolf body that was sprawled out on the couch beside Charlie.

" **Wow. Mind reading. I can see how that could help in a fight. Knowing the enemies' move before they make it…."** Charlie commented.

His hand never stopped stroking the fur on my head.

" **It was useful when they wanted to talk to us while we were shifted."** Sam added.

Not that it really ever happened very often.  
I wish they knew how completely unnecessary it is to be worried about the Cul… _the Cullen's_.  
They would never attack. It's just not them.

" **Yeah Edward also found it handy to make sure you were asleep at night when he snuck in."** Jake added.

I froze. Everything froze.  
He did not just…

How could he….

"… **What? He… In my house… Why-."**

Fuck.  
I couldn't settle on being uncontrollably pissed at Jake or terrified of Charlie.  
Charlie's hand was gone and he was breathing fast. His heart was racing.

I slowly sat up and watched as he fists turned white as if he was imagining strangling something. _Someone.  
_ After a few minutes his heart was thudding so fast I began to worry. I looked to Sam and Billy and Harry for help.

I whined desperately.

" **Charlie I need you to calm down. It wasn't like that Charlie. He never..."** Sam trailed off.

He didn't need to finish that, we all knew what he meant.

" **Charlie please. Bella can hear your heart and you're scaring her. Please slow your breathing."**

Something must have gone through because he sat back slightly, unclenched his fists and slowly calmed down. Gee and I thought the werewolves would get to him, no, the thought of his daughter having a boy in her room did it.

We never even did anything.  
Well… Just that once.  
I flinched at the memory.  
I would not think about that.

Charlie reached back out to me, resting his hand on my paw.

" **Later."**

I couldn't tell if it was a threat or a promise, either way Charlie was mad.  
I tucked my ears and looked down.  
My heart sank.

He will never trust me again now.  
I should have known it would hurt him.  
He should never have been told.  
 _He should not have been told!_

My eyes snapped up to Jake, tinted red with anger.  
He was deliberately not looking at me.  
While the others went on about other vampire powers my blood boiled and I couldn't just sit here any longer.

I shifted back into my vampire form as I stepped off the couch.

" **Jacob, come for a run with me."** I said as sweetly as I was capable of at the moment.

Even the sound of his sigh as he pushed off the wall irritated me.

" **Sure thing** _ **Isabella**_ **."** He replied through his teeth, obviously picking up on my use of his full name.

I don't remember the last time I used it.  
A hitch in Charlie's breathing had me pausing at the door.  
His face was worried now.  
I remember that feeling.  
When I found out about… _him_ , I was worried he'd disappear.

" **I will meet you at home later dad. I promise. I'm sure you all have plenty more to cover."**

Once I got to the edge of the forest I took off.  
I didn't run for long.  
My frustration, my anger, it got the better of me and I planted my feet.  
Jake was completely unprepared for my sudden stop and I grabbed him, using his momentum to slam him into a large tree completely destroying it.

I watched as he pulled himself up slowly.  
Annoyed that he wasn't fighting back I shoved him up against another tree, holding him there as it groaned under the pressure.  
I snarled, baring my teeth at him as I held my arm against his throat.  
He didn't move or try to get free.

" **You traitor! How could you?! Why would you do that to me? To Charlie?"**

" **He deserved to know."** Jake coughed out.

" **That is bull and you know it. He never needed to know that.  
I should never have trusted you with it."**

I wanted to be so angry.  
I wanted to stay furious at him but I could feel the hurt seeping in.  
I had trusted him more than anyone.

" **You just wanted to make Ed… You wanted to make him look like the bad guy!"** I accused.

Jake's eyes flared with anger.

" **HE IS THE BAD GUY!"**

My shock at Jake's outraged response was enough for him to take advantage and push me, taking me to the ground.  
A terrifying sound I didn't know that I was capable of ripped it way up my throat.  
My instincts reacting to the threat currently pinning me to the ground.

" **Wait, I'm sorry. I won't hurt you Bella. Just listen."**

His hands still curled around my wrists and I wanted to rip them off me but I tried to control my instincts. I stayed still waiting.  
He sighed, calmed slightly but his eyes still held anger in them.

" **Look I'm sorry ok. I should not have told Charlie that, you're right. But Bella, I will never stop hating him for all that he has put you through."**

Fuck.  
I snarled. Pissed.  
I just wanted to be mad at him and he has to say something like that.

" **Every time something reminds you of him I can tell, I can see the pain in your eyes. I can see how much he has hurt you. I mean you can't even say his name. I will** _ **always**_ **hate him for hurting you."**

The anger was gone.  
I couldn't have kept it there if I tried.  
There had been too much talking, too much thinking of him.  
The dam was breaking, it always does.

I tried to gasp for breath.  
I tried to blink away the venom tears.  
Jake moved to touch my face and did the only thing I could.

One second we were on the ground then next Jake was slammed into the tree again and I was running.


	13. Chapter Thirteen - Forgive Me Again

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Thirteen – Forgive me again**_

* * *

I knew I was flying backwards again but all I could feel was the tightness in my chest. I did it again.  
Another broken promise.  
The second the words had left my lips I saw it.  
 _Her eyes._

That sight always hurt more than anything I'd ever felt.  
That soul crushing pain I knew she felt.  
I felt it too.  
I hurt for her.

And this time it was my fault.  
I'd brought it on.  
 _Again_.

Before I could say anything she was gone.  
I didn't hesitate. I shifted mid stride and was running after her without thought.

" _Bella wait! I'm sorry! Please Bella!"_

I couldn't see her.  
I couldn't hear her.  
I was chasing blindly.  
Her scent was all I had and it felt like my lifeline.

The second the scent was gone I shut down.  
I circled trying to find it again but it was gone.  
If she had blocked her scent then I was never going to find her.  
She didn't want to be found.  
She was gone.

I howled out but I wasn't sure she'd even hear it.  
At her speed she could be already be too far away…

" _Jake! Jake what's wrong?! What happened?"_

I ignored all the voices in my head.  
All I could think was how she'd hate me forever.  
Would she even come back?

The things I said…  
Screamed at her…

" _Oh Jake…"_ Quil thought sympathetically.

Leah was less kind but I deserved it.

" _She's right, telling Charlie was a dick move. I can't believe you did that. She trusted you and you betrayed her. You're a fucking arsehole Jake. You don't deserve her."_

" _Leah, that's enough."_ Sam warned.

" _Jake come home. Give her time. We all know how hard it is for her to think about them. About him."_

We all gasped when an unbearable pain spread through the mind link.  
My legs buckled under me.  
I couldn't breathe.  
Frantic thoughts overwhelmed my mind and Sam had to alpha order everyone not to move.

" _I am sorry I should not have shared that with you all. She didn't want anyone to know. Everyone please calm down, your imprint is fine Quil, you felt this before. That pain was Bella's not yours."_

That was Bella?

" _Jake, just give her some time. Come home."_

I couldn't think straight.  
I would never be able to forget that pain.  
I thought I knew… I could never have imagined…

I didn't run back.  
I wanted to walk.  
Shifting back I looked around and realised I had no clothes.

Good one Jake.  
Can't do anything right.

I sighed and just started walking.

" **Can you forgive me again  
I don't know what I said  
But I didn't mean to hurt you**

 **I heard the words come out  
I felt that I would die  
It hurts so much to hurt you**

 **Then you look at me  
You're not shouting anymore  
You're silently broken**

 **I'd give anything now  
To kill those words for you  
Each time I say something I regret**

 **I cry "I don't want to lose you"  
But somehow I know that you will never leave me**

 **'Cause you were made for me  
Somehow I'll make you see  
How happy you make me**

 **I can't live this life  
Without you by my side  
I need you to survive  
So stay with me  
You look in my eyes  
And I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry**

 **And you forgive me again  
You're my one true friend  
And I never meant to hurt you"**

" **That was really quite beautiful Jacob. I didn't know you could sing."** Leah said with a tone of surprise.

I had heard her approach and allowed it.  
I knew I deserved whatever she was about to dish out.

She fell into step beside me, deliberately keeping her eyes straight ahead.  
I appreciated it.

" **Did you come to yell at me some more?"** I asked.

We were getting close to the res now.  
If she was going to chew me out she better hurry.

Leah scoffed.

" **She doesn't' need me to fight her battles for her. Besides, you know Bella, she wouldn't want you to feel bad."** She rolled her eyes and finished. **  
"She loves you, you idiot. Even when you're being a dick."**

Of course I knew that. She's just so…. _good_. Kind. Pure.  
 _Perfect._

I sighed.

Grabbing the emergency bag of clothes I kept in the woods near my house, I slipped some pants on and put the rest back.  
Leah continued to follow me as I turned away from the house and heading up to the cliffs.  
The silence as we walked was actually nice.

I stared up at the moon as we neared the edge of the cliff.  
Was it that late already?

" **Time flies when you walk at a snail's pace through the woods."** Leah laughed.

I chuckled.

She must not have been enjoying the slow walk as much as I was.

" **Hey, I thought you could only read my mind when shifted."** I teased.

Leah smirked and fell to the ground, lying flat on her back with her hands behind her head looking up at the night sky.

" **You are an open book Jake. And honestly, you're a bit dense."**

I scoffed. Dense?  
I'm not dense!  
I waited for an explanation.  
Eventually she looked at me and rolled her eyes.

" **Oh come on! Can't believe I have to spell it out for you. You want to see Bella yes?"** She asked.

God she sure does get on her high horse some times.

" **Yes obviously!"**

" **And can you not work out where she is right now?"**

God Leah, sometimes…..  
I sighed again.

" **No I can't. She blocked her scent, I couldn't follow her. She could be anywhere right now!"** I snapped, imagining her somewhere on the other side of the country.

Leah laughed and dramatically threw her arms up.  
After a moment she smiled.

" **I don't know about you but I'd say Charlie would be getting hungry right about now."** She said casually.

CHARLIE!  
Of course!  
She promised him she'd be home!  
I gasped and beamed at Leah.

" **Leah! You're a genius!"**

She waved me off and went back to staring at the sky.

" **Yeah yeah I know, you owe me."**

I barely heard her, my pants were already off and I was running as fast as my four legs would take me.


	14. Chapter Fourteen - Bella's Lullaby

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Fourteen – Bella's Lullaby**_

* * *

I wasn't sure where I was when it happened…  
I couldn't run anymore.  
I couldn't breathe.  
My legs gave out and I fell to my knees.  
My world fell apart.

The forest shook as a blood curdling scream tore its way out of me.  
My new enhanced mind could feel everything as the gaping hole in my chest came into sharp focus.  
I wrapped my arms around myself as my mind traced the sharp, ragged edges where my heart used to be.  
If my eyes couldn't see that I was physically in one piece I would not have believed I was.

The ground rumbled and my shield rippled over my body.  
Time didn't exist as I rolled over and curled in on myself.  
Nothing did.  
Except pain and loss.

Although I could not appreciate it, time did pass.  
And mercifully so did the pain.  
There was no numbness, I would always feel it now but my mind had pushed it down.  
It was like a box in the back of my mind.  
Locked away.

 _For now._

Scared to do anything that would break the lock, I carefully breathed in.  
I was ok.  
I breathed again. The air smelt strange.

I sat up looking around and smothered a gasp with my hand.  
There was a large circle around were I was lying.  
The ground was damaged.  
The grass that had been there was crumbled into dust.

Further away from me was an even bigger circle.  
Trees had been thrown backwards.  
It was like there had been an explosion right where I had been lying.

I didn't know what to think.

What if this happened again?  
What if there had of been people around?  
Was I a danger?

I swallowed the lump in my throat.  
I did not want to think about it right now.  
I'm sure Jake is probably worried about me.  
Charlie too.

Oh!  
Charlie!

It was late in the evening; I could taste the night air.  
I turned to what I assumed was the way back and ran.  
I wouldn't make Charlie worry.

I couldn't believe I had ran so far.  
But home was a wonderful sight to see as I walked up the steps.  
Charlie wasn't home yet and I was relieved.  
Looking at the clock I guessed he would not be far away.

Quickly putting some sauce on and cooking the pasta I had dinner ready as I heard the police cruiser coming down the street.

I was a little amazed that I could pick out small noises from my memories that I'd never taken notice of before and use them to identify the cruiser from the other end of the street.

The door unlocked and I quickly served up dinner, sitting at the table waiting for Charlie to make his way to the kitchen.

" **Bells?"** he called out.

I could hear the worry in his voice.  
Still scared I will disappear… or maybe… scared of me?  
The memory of my destruction of the forest sent a shiver through me.  
I will never lose control like that again.

My eyes widened and I froze as Charlie walked around the corner and gasped, grabbing his chest, leaning on the door frame.

" **You nearly scared me to death Bells! You didn't answer."** He managed to get out between breaths.

" **Didn't you smell the food?"** I asked.

He didn't reply, he just grumbled, hanging up his gun and sitting down at the table.  
I couldn't help but smile, he was barely even chewing his food.  
He took a second to breathe and looked up, catching me staring.

He frowned and blushed at the same time and I had to smother a giggle.

" **Can you even eat that?"** He asked motioning towards the untouched bowl in front of me.

" **Sam didn't seem to know when it came up earlier."**

I wonder if it was Sam betting with Jake on my diet.  
They will be dying to know who won.

It probably wasn't Sam.  
My guess is Quil.

I smiled at Charlie and started eating.  
Not at the rate Charlie was though.  
His eyebrows raised and he smiled but nothing else was said as we ate the rest of our meals.

This was awkward.

I was nervous as hell and my mind started coming up with ideas to get out of the coming conversation.  
It would need to happen eventually anyway.  
The second Charlie put down his fork I snatched up the dishes and started washing.  
As I put the last dish away I cursed myself.  
Why didn't I go slower?

" **Bella."**

Oh hell.

Sighing, I sat back at the table.  
Charlie's arms were crossed and he was leaning back against his chair.

Why did this feel like it was going to be an interrogation?

" **You know why I am upset."**

It wasn't a question.  
I rushed to defend myself.

" **Char- Dad, we didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't-"**

He held his hand up to stop me, shaking his head.

" **If it wasn't wrong then you never would have kept it from me.  
I've always trusted you to do the right thing and you've never giving me reason to doubt you."**

Fuck

" **Today has opened my eyes. A lot."** He continued.

" **I'm not angry."**

" _ **With you.**_ **"** he added.

What?

My shock must have shown because he quickly continued.

" **But I am disappointed."**

Why did that feel worse?

To be honest I'd prefer anger, it's easier to deal with.  
Having Charlie disappointed with me made me feel horrible.

" **I'm sorry."**

If he only knew how much it hurt to not have him with me.  
Having him with me each night….  
Even now I know I would do it all over again.  
Even knowing he would leave.  
To have just one more night…

I swallowed hard and pushed him back into the box in my mind.

Quicker than Charlie could see I glanced around the kitchen.  
Nothing had changed.  
Not a single thing in the house showed that Charlie had let Renee go.  
Maybe he did understand a little.

" **You are not my little girl anymore Bells so I will do my best to let it go.  
** **No more secrets now though, ok? I can handle anything your crazy supernatural world throws at me.  
** **Just be honest with me."**

Tears welled up in my eyes and I nodded.

" **I love you Dad."**

" **Me too Bells. Always have, always will."** He said, uncomfortable with the level of emotions.

He quickly stood up and pushed his chair in.  
He looked like he wanted to escape.

" **I'm off to bed. I assume you will be too after such a big day."**

I walked out into the hall and watched him make his way up stairs.  
Was he joking? Or had they not mentioned it?

" **Um... you do know that I don't sleep anymore right?"** I asked with a laugh.

Charlie froze and looked back shocked.

" **You don't sleep?"**

I shook my head.

" **Ever?"**

A memory of this same conversation flashed in my mind with me in Charlie's shoes and I quickly pushed the pain back down.

" **No."**

His eyebrows raised and a small shocked 'oh' made me want to laugh.  
Poor Charlie.  
So much to take in.

I smiled as a dazed Charlie went into his room, shutting the door behind him.  
I slowly walked up to my room, deliberately trying to move at a humans pace.  
I'd need to learn eventually.

I stood in my doorway.  
Everything looked so different but still the same.  
My eyes were drawn to the book on my desk.  
I could see the grains of the pages and the scruffs on the cover.

My bed had an imprint that I'd never noticed before.  
I could see the shape I've made from being curled up on it each night.  
I wouldn't need to lay on it anymore.  
There was no sense of loss and I knew why.  
I hadn't found comfort in sleep in a long time now.  
Sleep meant nightmares.

I sighed and spotted something strange.  
One of my floorboards was raised slightly on one corner.  
Human eyes would not have seen it but I could now and I could smell a familiar sweet scent.

I was pulling up the floorboards at vampire speed and then sat frozen staring down at several items hidden in the hole.

My mind was racing and if I had a heart it would be too.  
Shaky hands reached out, scared to touch the little plastic case tucked neatly in with a photo, an envelope and a book.  
I held the plastic case with the gentlest of touches as if it would turn to dust in my hands.  
It was a cd.  
Beautiful script handwriting on it read ' _Bella's Lullaby._ '


	15. Chapter Fifteen - Saying Goodbye

**The La Push Pack**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Fifteen – Saying Goodbye**_

* * *

I was some impossible mix of vampire and wolf, an amazing creature with powers that should be able to do anything…  
and yet I couldn't stop my hands from shaking.

Scared beyond reason that I would break the precious piece of plastic in my hands I lent to the side and gently placed it on my bed.  
I felt like I would fall apart at any moment.  
I quickly but gently replaced the floorboard and fled out my window into the forest.

Not wanting to run off on Charlie again I stopped when his snores became a faint background noise amongst the sounds of the forest.  
I found a nearby log and sat down, breathing deeply.

Why had he hidden those things in my room?  
Had he not wanted to keep them?  
Was that his way of removing all evidence of me from his life?  
He had written that for me, did he hate me so much that he had to throw it away?  
It felt like a slap in the face.

Tears that would never fall filled my eyes for what felt like the thousandth time since he left.  
Reason dawned on me though.  
If he wanted these things gone he would have just crushed them in his hands.  
He must have left them here for a reason.  
He probably never expected me to find them, only vampire eyes could have.  
so maybe, just maybe…  
He wanted to leave a piece of himself with me.

But that doesn't make any sense.  
After a few minutes dwelling on it I decided that I didn't care.  
Or more that I was choosing not to.  
I had felt a sense of loss when my scars healed.  
I had relied on them, they were my reminders that he was real.  
That he had existed in my life however briefly.  
But they only held memory of the loss of him.  
These things that he had left behind held more.  
So much more.

I could live with that.

" **It's been the longest winter without you  
I didn't know where to turn to  
See, somehow I can't forget you  
After all that we've been through**

 **Thinking that I deserve it  
Now I realize that I really didn't know**

 **If you didn't notice  
You mean everything  
Quickly I'm learning to love again  
All I know is I'mma be OK"**

I didn't stop singing when I heard Jake sneaking closer.  
He was always with me when I needed him.

 **"Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
It'll all get better in time  
And even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to  
It'll all get better in time**

 **If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh  
Hurt my feelings but that's the path  
I believe in  
And I know that time will heal it**

 **If you didn't notice  
Boy you meant everything  
Quickly I'm learning to love again  
All I know is I'mma be OK**

 **Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
It'll all get better in time  
And even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to  
It'll all get better in time**

 **Since there's no more you and me  
It's time I let you go so I can be free  
And live my life how it should be  
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you  
Yes, I will"**

I knew I needed to be.  
For Jake.  
For Charlie.  
For everyone that loved me.

I loved him more than anything.  
But he is gone now and I had to live.  
I had to let go.

The damn broke then and I cried out

" **Jake!"**

His warm arms instantly held me as my breaths came in heaves.  
Loss and acceptance came in a calm but profound way.  
I would never, _could never_ stop loving him

But I would love me now.

I stayed that way for hours.  
Wrapped safely in Jake's arms.  
I nearly forgot that Jake was human until he swayed sleepily.  
I was slightly amazed that I could forget how to be human after only one day of vampirism.

When I went to pull away he held me tighter.

" **Are you ok Bells? What was that?"**

I sighed.

" **Saying Goodbye."**

 ****I answered, happy that it hurt less than I thought it would to admit that aloud.  
It was quiet again.

" **Jake I'm-"**

" **No Bells, don't. It's all my fault. I keep breaking my promises. I'm a shitty best friend. I'm so sorry."**

His arms clung to me like he was scared I would leave him.  
His lips kissed the top of my head.  
I held him back just as tight.

" **I love you Jake."**

It felt good to say.  
Right.

" **I love you too Bells."**

" **Tell me everything will be ok Jake. Please."** I begged.

I couldn't see how anymore.  
Jake sighed and I could feel him shake his head above me.

" **I'm sorry Bells but I can't tell you that.  
I won't tell you something that I don't know is true.  
I don't want to break anymore promises. **

**All I can do is promise you that I will always be here to face it with you."**

He always knew exactly what to say.  
Even when I didn't know what I needed to hear.

"' **Always' is going to be a bit longer than either of us was expecting."** I laughed.

An evil smile spread across his face and he raised his eyebrows.

" **Just imagine all the things we will get up to…"**

Endless possibilities.

" **Let's start with school tomorrow first though."** He added a little more seriously.

I groaned and buried my head into his chest. Great. School.

" **I just love being the center of attention. Everyone staring."**

Jake laughed pulling us apart. He lifted my chin. His eyes were bright.

" **Please! All their eyes will be on me, I'll make sure of that."**

What?  
My confusion must have shown.  
I need to work on my poker face, being an open book is so irritating.

" **I forgot that you haven't been listening in on the pack chat, apparently after we had left earlier, dad and Charlie organised to have me transfer. I am officially a Forks High Student."**

Jake was coming to school with me?! Wait, why?  
Ah, maybe to make sure I don't go crazy and kill everyone?

" **Do they not trust that I can handle it?"**

Jake moved instantly, kneeling in front of me, hands on my shoulders.

" **Bells, part of being a wolf is having a few anger issues. All of us living on the res means there is always someone to support you, calm you down when some idiot pisses you off. You know, so we don't burst into a wolf in front of the whole school. You should have that support too. And trust me, it was never going to be anyone but me. I am very happy that they organised it."**

Oh. Well that makes sense. And of course I was happy to have Jake with me.  
I already had a sense that it'd be me helping him though.  
I smiled at Jake and as he sat back a little he yawned.

Damn. What time was it?  
He needs sleep.  
Although, if he fell asleep in class on his first day that would be funny.  
Poor Jake.

I jumped up and he tensed at my fast movement.  
Right, got to remember to go slow at all times.

" **Jake. Get up. We need to get you home. You need sleep."**


End file.
